the usual suspects

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. Wishing you all a happy and blessed start to the New Year.

I got back from Lagos on Wednesday. I’ve swapped the heat only to find that being re-immersed in the cold is more unbearable. C'est la vie I guess.

I had a fab holiday…

OMG, before I forget let me just say that while in Lagos, I watched the Nigerian films ‘Jenifa’ and ‘Jenifa 2’... suliat kan, aiyetoro kan… LMAO... filmed in Yoruba but with English subtitles I think part 1 is a must see for all... absolutely hilarious!!!

OK... back to the jist of this post... i.e. what I got up to... Smaragd, just to let you know that I rocked a little at places like Caliente, Penthouse, Insomnia and Auto Lounge… what else did I do?… I went to Federal Palace… I visited Shoprite for the very 1st time (more for necessity than curiosity)… I went to 2 weddings, one kiddie party, and attended our New Year’s Day family event… funny sha this is the first time in years I purposely didn't take my camera out with me. So I've decided to commit, the various snapshots of my memories hanging out with the usual suspects here. Some, you know… like Rosetta, Reverie, Spartan, Wole Ray and Jay but others you don't… like Niata, Ababa and Kujan plus I met new people like IJ, Ash and Baer.

I just can't believe we're going to walk into certain death
I hope that Jeremy Hoyland, the British jet skier that went missing off the coast of Bali, two months ago is found safe and sound soon. It just brings home how dangerous our antics could have been. Last Sunday, by the time Reverie turned up to pick me up, we'd already missed the boat. I had just about given up the ghost on going to the beach but Reverie decided otherwise.

Reverie: I was going to go on the Jet Ski by myself but you're coming with me. You know we are going to fall in don't you
Shubby Doo: Yes… crap… Ok, let's go

Luckily, we didn't fall into the water as we rode all the way from the ikoyi to ilashe… from behind I clung on to him... and for most of the time I had my eyes closed... so you see when we finally caught up with the boat that had left 20 minutes before us… I was more than just relieved.

Get yourself laid
I did.

I got thrown this job by some lawyer
The job was simple really… I just had to let her outshine me… as if. IJ is one of those girls I normally stay well clear off… she is the kind that name drops and thinks she is the most attractive girl in the room even with her nasty weave. I met her at a wedding that I went to with Niata. She purposely manoeuvred her bleached... whoops... I meant to say toned body to sit next to the guy I was chatting with and her dumb gob just spoilt the intelligent conversation we were having. 2 hours later at a BBQ, she saw me walking past and stopped me.
IJ: Hmmm… You’re the engineer aren’t you?
Shubby Doo: Yes… & you’re the lawyer

I walked away and when I came back to sit down she had miraculously remembered my name. I saw her smile fade when Reverie came to sit next to me. It completely disappeared when Spartan stopped dead in his tracks as he realised he wasn’t hallucinating, winked at me and then marched straight up to me to say hello.

Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Söze
The attraction Spartan and I still share scares me… our chemistry is still as ‘excited’... our Keyser Söze is still as ‘dangerous’... as it was the 1st day we met… so how exactly we managed to keep politely saying hello to each other without tearing each other's clothes off after a year with no real contact is a mystery. Whatever he is doing… whoever he is with… he stops and drops everything just for me…
Spartan: Are you ok?
Shubby Doo: I'm fine thank you

I know he doesn't get it but it is not for me anymore. How he always found a way to try and talk to me, hold my waist or stroke my arm in the shadows is beyond me… I was mostly indifferent to it... but the fact that it was always done out of sight of his babe did cause me some concern because I've always know him to be truthful. As far as I'm concerned we are just friends now… it’s an ego thing I think… basically, he cannot understand why I walked away from ‘us’ without blinking… but I’m sure he’ll deal with it soon enough.

After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again
If only. I met Ababa at the beach 3 years ago… his conversation skills have not matured in that time. Apparently Jay tells me that Ababa is ever so shy and quite sweet when he is sober but I guess that means I've only met him when he has had something to drink and his manners have gone to pot.
Ababa: I love your eyes
Shubby Doo: Thank you
Ababa: I wonder what they would look like at the moment of penetration
Shubby Doo: You'll never know. At 21, I couldn't tolerate such nonsense let alone at this age. Excuse me

Before I left he asked for my London number. I refused to reply. He went on facebook and wrote nonsense on my wall… my brother ATA says I should just limit profile his ass… I think I might just do that. After that my guess is that he’ll probably not hear from me again.

That's funny. He called me last night
He called and asked me to go outside and look at the moon… I did… and yes everybody has yabbed me already because apparently I should have pretended but then I wouldn't have seen what Ash was talking about... the bright star shouldering its crescent.

I met Ash at a club I went to with Niata. I liked him from the very start. We danced and talked and danced some more. He offered to take me home when Reverie disappeared... chasing women as usual...
Shubby Doo: Where is he? I can't see him... Ok I'm not going to panic for another 10 minutes... darn... I should have gone home with Niata
Ash: No you shouldn't. I'm glad you stayed

Anyway, the word is he carries around a lotta cash
IJ came to my rescue and took Baer away from me… he bored me shitless... and I got so sick and tired from rolling my eyes all night… it was that bad.
Baer: Can you imagine that guy told them to send me the bill for the extra stuff he ordered
Shubby Doo: I don’t understand. Why would he?
Baer: I organised the BBQ and paid for it and he had the audacity to send the bill for the extra stuff he ordered to me
Shubby Doo: Pele… that’s not right
Baer: People always do that to me. They know I have money and I guess that is what happens when you work like me… I mean I could do a 9 to 5 job but then I wouldn't have as much money and…

I don’t remember the rest… I’d switched off

In English, please?
Kujan is hilarious… as soon as he gets into London and sees oyinbo people he’s accent switches…even with Nigerians… he just can’t help blowing his phonetics… He took the seat I’d saved for Reverie at the Christmas table… yet I wasn’t disappointed with his company… we teased each senseless about our accents… I haven’t laughed so much during Christmas dinner like I did with Kujan… I’m hoping to catch up with him in London sometime this month.

A rumor's not a rumor that doesn't die
Tinuke: Aunty Shubby Doo I saw you and Uncle Reverie flirting
Shubby Doo: You?!!!… you have started with that active mind of yours again abi?
Tinuke: You were flirting
Shubby Doo: Maybe the intensity you saw was me having a go at him. He was supposed to take me somewhere and he didn't
Tinuke: Hmmm… maybe... I still think you were flirting!!!

On another occasion when it was time to leave and go home, Niata came back to tell me that I was, in fact, staying.
Niata: Your husband said I cannot take you. He says he'll drop you off.
Shubby Doo: Which husband?
Niata: Reverie
Shubby Doo: Hahaha… he came here cause I told him we were coming… we've not really hung out this last week that we've both been back in Lagos… I'll just double check with him but I'll probably stay. Thanks anyway

You kids ready?
That’s what I think of Jay’s girlfriend… a kid… she is totally insecure about my friendship with him… so much so that she stopped him from coming out with me on New Year's Eve despite the fact she couldn't accomodate him in her plans. I told him it was ok… he was so embarrassed. Apparently he warned her well... he felt that she had insulted me and inadvertently got him to insult our friendship. He called to take me out to Terra Culture 2 days later. We then ended up at Sky Bar (EKO Hotel) for dinner. She called every hour… after the 3rd time she called him back immediately to talk to me… apparently she thought it might have seemed rude that she hadn’t asked to say hello… silly girl... if she thinks I'm going to give up on my trusted confidant she has another thing coming.

Put a leash on that puppy
Before I left Lagos, Jay called me.
Jay: You need to talk to Reverie. I don't know what you two are playing at but you guys have something and you both don't want to deal with it
Shubby Doo: Ok I will
Jay: No you won't
Shubby Doo. You are right I won't
Jay: Shubby Doo
Shubby Doo: Swiftly changing the subject… guess who I spoke to last night?… Ash
Jay: And?
Shubby Doo: He was a bit ratty… his car had broken down... it over heated... and he was complaining because he hadn’t eaten all day except for a chocolate bar… I told him he sounded irritable so I was going to leave him be... to at least get something to eat… plus I had to go because they had just served up my pounded yam
Jay: You are wicked…
Shubby Doo: I know... hahaha... can you imagine that the poor guy couldn't stop himself from asking if it was powdered pounded yam... I gleefully told him it was the real kind… POUNDED YAM!
Jay: Hahaha

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.
I got to see my Aunty Grace. She is undergoing the treatment she needs… some days are better than others but she is a pillar of strength… she is doing much better than I’d hoped…

For those of you that helped to pray with me when I posted amazing grace... Thank you again for your support and kind words... the devil is a liar... she is well in Jesus' name.

Good Shepherd she is in your hands. Continue to heal her. Please

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house of agbada daggers

This post is inspired by Afrobabe (babes, I know you say your mum is a prayer warrior but I said my own prayer for change for ‘3rd brother’).

Her latest post for a ‘solution required!’ got all sorts of comments (babes, for being a good sport about it all, especially with the few that could possibly be viewed as negative, I salute you).

Anyway… my comment at hers was based on her concept of ‘3rd brother’. I chose to depict the chain of events in her post as a scene in a chinese film (yep for the sake of authenticity, I even threw in the out of sync voice over)… thankfully she took it as intended & saw the funny side!

In the same way, let me introduce you to my family… ours is the ‘House of Agbada Daggers’… I actually prefer the ‘House of Flying Jalabias’… it sounds way cooler but we are yoruba & correctly proud of it.

The ‘House of Agbada Daggers’ follows many rules. One of which is ‘honour’… it is key. The family honour must be protected at all times. As a result all members of our house do not take any criticism of any of its other members well from outsiders. To us it is a declaration of war. We have waged many successful campaigns because we follow the mantra of military ‘qi’.

We are not stupid though… in any situation after this has happened; ‘the defender’ will haul ‘the accused’ into the dock. ‘The jury’ is called & seated. Then judgement begins. I hated the family meetings because the sentences were quite demoralising. I learned a lesson from them sha… I got... correction… we all got smarter with our antics.

Anyway… ours is a house of six ruling members… I say ruling because it is rare for any of us to back down from our convictions. I digress...

There is Baba, Mãe, Ade, Ali, Shubby Doo and ATA.

Baba aka Emperor aka Old Master Bo
Baba was an air force officer. Despite his usual gra-gra, to all his children he would say ‘take it easy… fi ara ba le’. These words were always accompanied with a hand gesture that indicated the same. My father taught me the lesson of silence…a wise man takes time to listen…it is especially important if one has nothing intelligent to say.

Old Master Bo: Flying Snow, anybody can be heard; but to be understood one must to know right words to use. 1st acquire knowledge about your subject and then your audience. Remember ‘a little impatience will spoil great plans.’

My father once found out that Ade was caught sneaking out of school. He did not deal with this immediately; instead he ruined the holiday for my brother because Ade was left to stew in the fear of the unknown for its entirety. With 2 days to go, my father woke him up at 5:30am and told him to get dressed (note that he didn’t say brush, baff and get dressed o!). Ade was ready, at the front door, in less than 5 mins. They went out for a walk. While they were out he told him this.

Old Master Bo: Li Mu Bai, I am not happy about your behaviour because you should have been in school. But I am not angry that you snuck out. I am angry that you got caught. My son, now I hope that ‘a fall into a ditch makes you wiser’.

Mãe aka Empress aka Jade Fox aka The Governess
I am very much like my mother… we can smell a rat from a distance. However, our methods of execution are very different. She tends to act swiftly; setting up a cunning trap. The furore around her kill is normally quite dramatic.

My mother found out about the true nature of my relationship with Ludriness when she called me at school. I had a deal with my house mistress who decided to take that particular night off. Her substitute told my mother that I was spending the w/e away and that she had signed the form (yes o! I faked her signature). My mother made no fuss; she simply asked for a contact number and called. Luridness picked up. She never told my father of my deception but I was greeted with some serious slaps when I got home.

The Governess: Are you sleeping with him? Is this why I sent you to school? Your life is ahead of you or is it that you want to ruin it? By doing this you are ‘binding your feet to prevent progress’.

After my tears, there were more questions. With my answers she concluded that Luridness was not the best for me (does my Mãe have a spooky sixth sense or what?!)

Ade aka Crown Prince aka Li Mu Bai
Ade was the prime source of family meetings. As a young teenager, he indulged in the usual drinking and man chasing woman wrapper business. He always stayed out late and came back during the early hours of dawn. It drove my mother crazy; somehow my dad remained calm. He sat my brother down to explain something simple to him.

Old Master Bo: Li Mu Bai, you are young and your exuberance is telling you to seize every opportune moment but don’t over do this… a she ju man pa yon. It is not right to be ‘adding the legs while painting a snake’.

As Ade grew older he chose to hover in between the young and old because he felt that his duty as first born demanded it. He reigned supreme in the absence of our parents but shielded us a lot from our mother’s rantings. Ade got a thick skin for it. However, it was not bullet proof so like Neo he learned to dodge with skill. Suddenly, despite his usual exploits, the family meetings became more about Ali, ATA, and I. I paid attention and realised his plan; diversionary tactics. Egbon was taking style to betray us to our parents to keep the heat of him…Kai! It had to stop. I gathered the others together to discuss the situation.

Flying Snow: All we have to do is figure out his plan to know his next move. ‘When the map is unrolled, the dagger is revealed’. There are three of us. Eyin boys e ja ka so owo po. If we stand together united, ‘three people can make up a tiger’.

These days when Ade sees me he smiles. He calls out ‘ringleader don land. lil’ sis how now?’ or ‘kaisho, oyabun of all oyabun’. I laugh.

Ali aka 2nd Son aka Young Prince aka Jin
Ali and I are very very close but the guy knows how to wind me up…big time. There is this thing he does with his hands and eyes that still fucks me off till today. If anybody else tries it and I’m cool; totally unfazed but with Ali I loose it completely. My family finds the whole scene hilarious.

Ali terrorised me as a kid. In turn, I took great pleasure watching him being punished. I developed a particular wail that became universally recognised as a cry for help (a bit like the signal in batman…lol).

As kids, my presence antagonised him & I just didn’t understand why he always went for me. Apparently to him I was the younger sister who had betrayed him before I learnt to speak. The story goes that he came to play with me as a toddler and I smashed a battery over his head….LMAOOO (secretly I’m happy I got the first jab in but officially I’m still blaming muscle spasm). As kids, my parents always told me to leave him alone.

The Governess: Flying Snow we’ve bought you a new Ballerina Barbie doll. Leave Jin alone, ‘a rat who gnaws at a cat's tail invites destruction.’

Barbie, Ken and Skipper were great distractions in the short term but in the end I just wanted to hang with my older bro.

One time, a day after ATA’s naming ceremony, I was outside playing and I saw Ali pick up a knife that had been used to kill the malu. It was clean. He put it into the fire. Then, with a devilish glint in his eye, he turned and called me…I skipped over. He placed the hot blade on my neck and burnt me. My mother beat the sheggae out of him (thank you again God for this skin of mine that heals really well because I don’t have a scar despite Ali’s assault).

Although I have always loved him dearly, Ali is one of my inspirations for taking up kung fu for a year with a real shaolin monk after uni (no joke!). I also learnt to run fast because of him and every time I see him, I remember my unbeaten season at 200m sprints with pride.

Shubby Doo aka Princess aka Flying Snow
You know me a little already… through my blog… this is my look inward within an enclosure of boundless space… it is my interpretation of me. I am not quite sure why I blog but I do know that ‘a bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song’. I am Flying Snow.

ATA aka 3rd Son aka Small Prince aka Shinobi aka Nameless
ATA and I are extremely close. His is my protégé. For my every action, ATA can describe the thought process behind my decision. He decided to study engineering too; although, our chosen dialects are different. He also took up martial arts (kempo karate) but he did it for many years. ATA is the silent assassin of the house.

When ATA was younger, to all his questions I would reply ‘I will tell you when you are older’ (yeah right!... like either he or I would remember… I just wanted the little brat out of my way... funny how history repeats itself but this time my intolerance of him was because he wasn't born a girl!). He too didn’t like being ignored/ or dismissed. I think it was one of the reasons that he consciously chose to be the best of all of us (as he saw us); he is brighter than me, he is stronger than Ali and he is wiser than Ade.

With time the age gap between all of us has reduced and we are all much closer. We are also quite close because Ade, Ali, ATA and I used to run around hitting each other as kids (and well beyond those years). The aim of this game of endearment was simple… strike the deadliest blow and then seek cover. While the victim writhed in pain, the assailant would comment hysterically on the effectiveness of the strike.

Due to my gender and his youth, ATA and I played tag team… but not always… within the ‘House of Agbada Daggers’ when the heat was on you were on your own. One day, I landed one on ATA just after we’d just dealt with Ali together. When I saw the confusion in his eyes, I could no longer keep a straight face… I collapsed laughing. ATA calmly walked over, picked me up and floored me. I was stunned… my 13 year old little brother ke?… na lie!... I wanted a rematch (very dumb idea I know but the small boy had just chanced me!). ATA did it again. His take down was just too quick so I cannot tell you his exact move (perhaps some sort of suflex). I can tell you that Ali just stood there, and nearly pissed himself with laughter. Ade learnt about this and sat me down.

Li Mu Bai: Flying Snow you are older but you are a girl… your age made you forget that he was learning new techniques to prove himself as a match for us in various ways… your attitude towards Nameless was wrong… remember that ‘the arrogant army will lose the battle for sure.’ My approach to him will now be different thanks to you. Senior boy thinking is now needed for the kid to ensure he does not ‘out-gun’ us.

How very true… last week ATA sent me a text and then I called him.

ATA: Na wah for this your need to bond o!
Shubby Doo: Eh?!
ATA: Why do you always call me when I text you?
Shubby Doo: You asked me for some info and you are now opening your mouth to complain about my method of delivery. This kid, you’re not a serious human being.
ATA: Hahaha… cheers sis. But you know that once I have this PhD, you must start calling me Dr ATA sha.
Shubby Doo: Love you lil’ bro but dream on... no forget say ‘okra no dey grow pass im master’ … hahaha.

You now have an insight into the members of the ‘House of Agbada Daggers’.

Proceed & comment but beware of our ‘honour’.

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T5

5th June…today all British Airways flights between Heathrow and Nigeria move to the dreaded Terminal 5…This post is to mark the occasion.

Will Nigerians suffer the jinx of T5?…I suspect some will fall prey to that place…I have. I don’t fly British Airways to Nigeria because I don’t like wahala…I believe in a stress free life so if anything or anybody tries to compromise that they get cast aside...case in point – British Airways.

I loved British Caledonia when I was younger but when they stopped my family switched to British Airways. About 3 years ago I refused to spend money on the disrespect and the poor service on the London to Lagos BA route so I switched to Virgin Atlantic…no regrets so far.

At this point I have to confess that about 1 month before I travelled I received an invite to join one of those never fly British Airways or boycott flying British Airways groups on facebook. I simply clicked ‘confirm’ without thinking about it twice. If you are Nigerian you will guess why…if not, the antics of ‘brutish airways’ are summarised perfectly in Solomonsydelle's blogs.

At this point I also have to confess to a dual truth…I still tend to use British Airways 2 fly everywhere else.

I think God wanted me to test out this dichotomy…I think I knew inside…somewhere deep down I would fall foul of this one day…such beliefs cannot co-exist in one person.

I’ll start with a song by R Kelly that described how I was feeling when I woke up that day:

‘…I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door …’

I believed I could fly…twice in one day…British Airways did not…the cretins at Terminal 5 slammed the door firmly in my face and then lost my luggage. At that moment my brain scattered…I was confused and tired…but mostly confused.

Rewind back to how my day had started…well…in Ikoyi. Nepa was behaving so the generator hadn’t disturbed my sleep. We thank God o!

I stepped out of bed. I couldn’t walk properly…my feet were on fire…I laughed as a remembered dancing at my aunt’s ‘birthday do’ in 4 inch heels…i love family functions like that...so i thought no long thing. I showered and dressed. I put on a cute pair of hoop earrings. Then packed, had breakfast and said my goodbyes.

I got in the car & gave the driver his ‘dash’…normally I do this at the airport but for some reason that day I gave him the money at the house. I think that the generosity sent Wale into some sort of euphoria. However, his joy started the run of bad luck that stayed with me the whole day.

Forewarning 1 – in an attempt to avoid the morning traffic in oshodi, Wale started diverting left, right and centre…this shortcut and then that shortcut…he would then loose his bearings and take the wrong turns. At one point I realised we were headed back to ikoyi. I lost it then…suffice to say I yelled at him to disengage all the loose wires short circuiting in his brain and follow the directions I gave. I routed us back through oshodi to get to the airport.

Forewarning 2 – My Baba was furious. He was at the airport and he’d been waiting since 7:30am. He needed to hand over some documents to me. It was now 8:15am and I was not there. He called me:

Baba: Where are you?
Shubby Doo: Good morning sir. I’m in the car to the airport
Baba: Where are you? What is your estimated time of arrival?
Shubby Doo: I’m not sure sir…we are stuck in traffic in oshodi
Baba: Why are you behaving like this?…awon uncle and aunty sachs are here already…oshodi ke? Why did you go that way? Kilode…Shubby Doo why are doing this today?

Me ke?

At that point, I tried to cut in to explain. He hung up…ha!!!…not a good sign…not a good sign at all.

My dad is a retired Air force officer and 1 minute late is unacceptable. He kept calling me every 2mins after that but I was too afraid to pick up…I got 14 missed calls from his number. I focused on just getting Wale to the airport…

Forewarning 3 – I faced my Baba’s wrath at the airport…I greeted him and he threatened to go military on me…lol…I laugh now but he did use those exact words…on hearing this, I ducked away, greeted uncle and aunty sachs and went to check in.

Forewarning 4 – When I got to the gate to board my flight I realised I couldn’t find my boarding pass and Nigerian passport in my handbag…my Baba has special privileges...it means he can stroll through most of Murtala Mohammed…so you guessed it…he was there when I discovered I longer had my particulars.

Baba: What is it?
Shubby Doo: I can’t find my nigerian passport and boarding pass
Baba: Not possible
Shubby Doo: I don’t have it. I’ve checked
Baba: Can you use your British Passport?
Shubby Doo: I can’t. It has no Nigerian visa on it. Plus I don’t have my boarding pass

My father just looked at me with contempt. I rushed back to the lounge. I searched…no passport or boarding pass. I returned to where my father was seated.

Baba: Did you find it?
Shubby Doo: No

For some reason I decided to check my laptop bag...thank God...it had my naija passport and boarding pass inside it. At that moment, I swear if looks could kill, the expression on my Baba’s face would have vaporised me.

Baba: You cannot be doing this...ara reo bale! You must always know where everything is kept. You need to be organised. How many times have I told you this? This could have been very embarrassing
Shubby Doo: Sorry sir
Baba: If it is work that is making you confused…

I apologised again, thanked him, disappeared through the gate and boarded my Virgin Atlantic flight to London.

The flight was fine. I called my younger brother to help me check in online for my British Airways connecting flight when I landed. He did. I got my bags within 10mins, said good bye to uncle and aunt sachs and headed for arrivals. I saw my older brother and we raced from T3 to T5.

I got there & started to repack some things into a new smaller case. My phone rang…it was my mother calling from Nigeria.

Shubby Doo: Hello Mãe
Mãe: My dear, how are u?
Shubby Doo: I’m fine Mãe. I got in safe at sound. We are at T5. I’m just repacking…I can’t talk but hold on
Mãe: Shubby Doo…Shubby Doo…wait…just listen…

I didn’t. I passed phone to my brother who explained that I had 10mins left to repack and drop my bags off.

Forewarning 5 – when my brother hung up he told me that my mother had said I was not to check in any of my bags because of the T5 fiasco.

Forewarning 6 – There was something wrong with the handle of the small suitcase so I had to take the bag to ‘oversize’...yes o! against my mother's correct advice, I checked in my small case (with my flat keys, my car keys et al).

Forewarning 7 – My brother told me to go through to the departure lounge straight away. I said I’d rather sit down, relax and jist small. I started telling him about my trip to Lagos.

With 30mins to go, I waved goodbye to my brother headed to security…the guy asked for my boarding pass. I gave it to him. He asked for ID. I handed over my driving license…I was still smiling and humming to myself in my head…yes o! I was humming I believe I can fly! He swiped my boarding pass…I stood there and waited for him to take my picture...to myself i thought strike a pose... lol...he still had not let me through security for my domestic flight...why? I gave him a puzzled look...he simply said “I’m sorry. Your boarding pass is invalid.”

Invalid ke? Not possible.

At the British Airways desk…they told me that I missed the 35mins deadline to get through security. None one told me that. My ticket conditions said check in 60mins prior the flight and baggage drop 45mins prior to the flight. British Airways didn’t care. Apparently they had already off loaded my case too. There was no way I was getting on that flight.

The test had failed...or maybe I had failed the test...

I sighed. I called my colleagues and told them not to come to Manchester airport to pick me up. I wouldn’t be there.

I went down to baggage reclaim to get my case… it was still in the system and they were trying to find it. They couldn’t estimate when I would get it. I was weak...

The guy at the desk felt sorry for me…he kept telephoning people to help…they kept saying they weren’t trained to use the system to check for my case...how?! My blood began to boil...

I needed to be in Manchester for 8am tomorrow. I could catch a coach to my place and then drive. No…I didn’t have my flat or car keys! Any fix to my dilemma needed something I had packed away in the case that was now lost in the system. I should have listened to my Ma’a.

I called my boss and told him I had missed my flight…could I take a hire car?…he said yes but as it was now 8pm I should consider taking a taxi to Manchester instead…I was to find a way to get to Manchester by all means.

At 8:30pm I got a text from my boss saying ‘I hope you are enjoying having the time to inspect T5’s excellent baggage system’…I swear if he wasn’t the company director I would have called him and finished him…

By now tears were welling up in my eyes but I was too tired to cry. I was emotional and cranky. I was about to explode and I needed an outlet for my frustration that wouldn’t land me in jail.

I wanted to call home...‘Home’, when my siblings & I are talking to each other, automatically means our parents place…I moved out right after I graduated and now live just outside London.

But I didn’t call home...my ears started ringing with my father’s foreboding voice from earlier… I don’t do ‘I told you so’ very well.

My brother called me at 9pm...had I landed safe and sound? I said yes...irrational I know but I just couldn't tell him what was going on without breaking down...

At 9:30pm…I gave the guy at the British Airways baggage reclaim desk my work address so that they could deliver my case there…he said it would get there the next day…yeah right!…It actually arrived 2 days later! To keep me calm he started trying to console me…I would get my bag back…a lady yesterday had waited for her bags but she got them back after 3 hours…opari!…my blood pressure started rising again.

At 9:45pm…the British Airways desk at T5 closed and I still didn’t have my luggage.

I called a number of taxi companies… it would be about £450 to get to Manchester…Since I had cleared it with my boss I knew the company were going to pay me back but saying yes meant I would have to get cash out of my account and wait 1 month to be paid back. No way!

At this point I have to thank the guy at the baggage reclaim desk…he had called a taxi firm British Airways use and priced it down to £240…I called the number and booked the taxi. It arrived at 10:45pm.

I called my colleague in manchester...I wanted him to tell the hotel that I was still coming…I didn’t want to get there and find I had nowhere to sleep. Plus I sent him a text with the car registration number of the taxi that had picked me up…if anything happened to me the driver would at least stand trial…if not go to jail. Plus I came right out & told the taxi driver what I’d done and why I had done it lest he got any funny ideas…

I got to the hotel in Manchester at 01:45am.

This is the clincher…with no change of clothes I went to the presentation in the same clothes I’d been wearing the day before…can you imagine?!...I’m a consultant, participating in a whole day presentation with our biggest client...potentially this alliance could bring in 10s of millions (sterling) for us annually...everybody else was looking sharp in their suits but I turn up in low rise blue jeans and a ‘off the shoulder’ white and pink pokerdot top! Oh…the shame!!! I took off the hoop earrings sha!

I called a close family friend of mine to recount this tale to her…this is why I love her to bits:

The Doctor: My sista, welcome back. how now? How was naij?
Shubby Doo: I dey o! That part was fine. It was the journey back. Heathrow T5...
The Doctor: Sounds ominous…what happened?
Shubby Doo: They bounced me...can you imagine?...said I needed to be through security 35mins before my flight. I was 5mins late. They no even give me face
The Doctor: Walai…they did that to me too…I lost over £200 and had buy another ticket to Scotland
Shubby Doo: Kai! Pele my dear but why didn’t you tell me? When?
The Doctor: About 6 weeks ago. Walai talai. I was traumatised by the whole thing. I wanted to start rushing about to see if I could get on the next flight to get to work the next day but then I thought there is no need. No need at all. They will survive without me. Life will go on.

Now why didn’t I think of that?!!

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