Monday, 18 August 2008

crossroad blues

This post is dedicated to Naapali (doc since you say you have a compass and a map…I’d really like to know where you got those from so that I may source mine too and use them to avoid the hazards of the valleys).

Anyway… back to my post…

I will start with snowflakes… these are formed from tiny super-cooled cloud droplets as they freeze. Each one is approx 10μm (i.e. 10 microns) in diameter…delicate things don’t you think?… they have a geometry that is so intricate that each one is deemed unique… much like the human soul.

I have said before that within the House of Agbada Daggers I am Flying Snow (do you like the new profile pic btw?… I think it quite appropriate!)

Well sometimes I feel like a glacier formed from snow; a slow river of compacted ice made so because the years have forced so much air out of me. If that is truly the case then I hope I am like a tidewater glacier that flows back into the sea of life. However, I am scared that when I get there a piece of me will break off in the deep water and in doing so that iceberg might cause the water to explode upwards.

I came very close to exploding this weekend when somebody close to me lied to me. They looked into my eyes, then called God’s name and lied.

The lie could not hurt me but my heart bled for the one that he would keep hurting; as well as for the others that he would keep trying to hurt. That I cannot abide. To say my soul is not troubled about this… about what I am capable of doing to stop this… is untrue.

This weekend I realised that I was at a metaphorically juncture in my life because both the physical and abstract met. I saw the devil in his eyes and he offered me a deal but I refused to trade in my soul or theirs. He told me that he would release the pain I have carried for too long so that Flying Snow would not become as cold and hard as ice.

Good Shepherd with you there is no pain… whatever there is here in this life… is not everlasting… that comes after.

So knowing this to be true, how could I suddenly accept a deal with the devil to become the King of the Delta Blues?… I could not. I did not. I will not. What did I do?… I simply chose to sing my ordinary version of the crossroad blues. For now, that is the small thing that I can do to ward him off; in doing so I have committed my worries and fears to God.

So here I am… at an intersection of roads…is there a better way to say that?… hmmm… I think there is… I am at a crossroad in life and I want to continue and embark on my own path. In doing so I feel like I am betraying another because I know I must leave the old behind. Only then can I return to it; only then can I understand more about the beauty of ages.

Good Shepherd I am looking to you (as I have always have) to guide me on this path.

Besides… you know I hate the idea of a satellite navigation systems simply because someone once told me that ‘women can’t read maps’… I will not be beaten by that statement… yes, I admit that I have gotten lost plenty of times; within cities, en route to cities, en route in life. Mostly because I have not trusted myself. This lack of self belief somtimes causes me to take a left or right turn much too early when I should have just continued forward. Goodness me, I even remember my delight at actually being able to drive on my own only to find out that I had missed my exit at a roundabout and was already halfway to Liverpool instead of Manchester.

Good Shepherd I want you to know that I will not stop trying to master how to read that map.

I will continue trying to drive through life without the devil on my shoulder, whispering where to go to me or telling me when to change gears … so what if I failed my driving test two times before… I passed it the third time. So what if I crashed the company hire car into the car park gates as I tried to reverse out… I believe that that is what car insurance is for.

My soul is insured through you. I smile now as I remember crying late that night when I was driving. I had followed diversion upon diversion not really knowing where they were taking me. I had been on the road for nearly 8 hours. It was close to midnight. I was tired and lost…very certain I would drive into a ditch cloaked in darkness. I calmed myself down and prayed. I decided to risk it and take the next turning and suddenly I stumbled upon a hotel. They had no spare room but the lady at the desk called another hotel about 5 miles away and organised a room for me. There is where I laid my head to sleep that night. It was a peaceful sleep for I knew that:

‘... thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...’ Psalm 23

I will continue my best on this path… Yes I know I drive a little too fast for your liking at times… darn, I even admit to taking part in those unofficial races on the motorway. Er… I guess I am also a little too impatient at other times… I have used the inside lane to undertake in the past and you've seen me overtake those slow moving tractors on narrow country lanes… and perhaps once or twice I have very stupidly tried to out manoeuvre another on a blind summit.

Good Shepherd thank you for always being there with me and stopping me from endangering others and myself.

I have discovered that it is important to pace myself… the key is to learn from my mistakes and grow into that which I know myself to be … as a result I am a better driver… my map reading is coming along too :-)

Good Shepherd I choose you. Always.

40 comments:

UndaCovaSista 18 August 2008 at 12:40  

First!
Whoopee doo....!!!
I'll be back to read and comment :)

OluwaDee 18 August 2008 at 13:13  

"Lack of self belief causes me to take a left or right turn much too early when I should have just continued forward."

Anytime I don't believe in myself I second guess myself, and end up making stupid mistakes.

ShonaVixen 18 August 2008 at 13:15  

3rd???
As you rightfully quoted:‘... thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...’ Psalm 23

Pray on it, and the path you choose to take, he will always be by your side!

Uzezi 18 August 2008 at 14:58  

a deal with the devil always have ugly results. thank God u didnt go that way. Let him direct ur ways.

Allied 18 August 2008 at 15:20  

Wisdom is a quality you lack not. Only the wise knows that an exchange of Garri and Cooked Jollof Rice with assorted meat is not a fair deal in a time of famine. As the day proceeds, the jollof rice begins to rot while the Garri will be last for years. The devil’s deal is never fair and I am happy that the Good Shepherd is with you.

However I disagree on one of your points “…the key is to learn from my mistakes...” NO, it will be better and less painful to also learn from others mistakes. You cannot make all the mistakes by yourself. Take your experience and theirs to grow into which you know yourself to be.

UndaCovaSista 18 August 2008 at 15:53  

I love the way you've blurred the lines betweeen metaphor and reality.

It's always good to get out of our own ways and hand over the reigns to The Good Shepherd. I also find that a lot of the time i go through unnecessary agro jsut because i feel i'm able (infact, i often know i'm able), but my way is not necessarily the 'right' way. But he's nothing if not patient with us...

Parakeet 18 August 2008 at 21:26  

Hmm...deep stuff. The lie bit jolted me. I just hate to be lied to cos I never know how to deal with the person afterwards.

Never make a deal with the devil...am glad u stood ur grounds!

naijaleta 18 August 2008 at 21:34  

Na wah O! Why do you always write in parables?

kay-shawn 18 August 2008 at 21:36  

Totally loving your new picture. That should be a better representation of the real you.

Jaycee 18 August 2008 at 21:42  

Good Shepherd I want you to know that I will not stop trying to master how to read that map.

Good Shepherd. I choose you...always

Those two lines are a summary of how I feel by reading this post. Butterflies are in my tummy, and I'm smiling.

Deep!

Mz. Dee 18 August 2008 at 22:22  

this is so so deep and compassionate.

loved it.

quite likin ur new pic too!

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl 19 August 2008 at 01:42  

awww u were on the road 4 8hrs and didnt even get to ur destination??? awww sorry love. the good shepherd will always be with u.

bless u sweetie.

Naapali 19 August 2008 at 02:33  

Thanks for the dedication. I remain
Clueless in Chicago

Jarrai 19 August 2008 at 08:47  

My dear shubby dooo........this is raw talent...love love it!!!!

Don't give up on anything ever and always believe in your self.

When people lie to your face and you know they are..it hurts but hey life can be a series of imperfections...a small thing in a big world. Just keep doing your thing

I really like this piece...NICE XXX

tankojjetty 19 August 2008 at 12:32  

hmmm....
inspirational....
i hate lies too, and i try to tell the truth always hence people think i'm blunt....
i think the last bit captured the whole article....
just let The Good Sheperd lead you

aloted 19 August 2008 at 12:36  

this ur post wan turn my head o..lol...but i agree the Lord is the good shepherd and he comforts u.

thanks for stopping by my blog

Esmeralda 19 August 2008 at 13:36  

The Good Shepherd, always there to guide and guard, direct and protect, a compass and a shield.

u lost me a couple of times in the narrative, but i get the most important gist sha.

Afrobabe 19 August 2008 at 16:42  

what number am I again???

Afrobabe 19 August 2008 at 16:44  

Love the profile pic but will look for an (m or is it a) icier snowier cutie for u…
A deal with the devil looks like an easier way out but its always full or trouble…I had my fight with the devil this week and won..will post it as soon as the words come together…

Buttercup 19 August 2008 at 18:27  

i just love how u write..gosh!

i love ur pic too!

awwww as log as u've committed it all to Him, it'll turn out ok by His grace..

Charie 20 August 2008 at 06:05  

it is well...it really is...

The Good shepherd never goes on summer hols or winter getaways jus because of you...jus so that he can be there for you carry u like his sheep over difficult patches...

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it"

rethots 20 August 2008 at 08:33  

"...is important to pace myself…..." when we realise this, no mountain will be too high to surmount. More especially, when we go not 'cept He goes with us.

Scribblers Inc 20 August 2008 at 12:01  

its always great to have a mentor in the back of your head...acts like a GPS device...and I love your username!!:)

Scribblers Inc.

Rita Esuru Okoroafor 20 August 2008 at 15:20  

This is a beautiful and heart-touching post! I am so inspired by it. I like the analogy between us and the snowflakes.

I admire your courage not to make a deal with the devil...

The Good Shepherd is faithful and able...

rayo 20 August 2008 at 17:15  

this post is abt u, but it just brings some things abt myslf 2 mind. inspiring

Jinta 20 August 2008 at 23:03  

quite deep but you are right, most things we have to leave to him so as not to get lost

as for the person that lied, that is the way of the world. for me, i am just thankful when i realise that i have been told a lie. consider that it is much worse had you not known

miz-cynic 21 August 2008 at 13:08  

I'M ALSO QUITE BAD AT NAVIGATION, cos somtimes places I have been to like 10 times, I'll still forget how to get thr, can u imagine?

kay-shawn 22 August 2008 at 13:20  

Hiya, did I actually put 15yrs?
I think I should have put 14yrs, 1994 to be precise.

kay-shawn 22 August 2008 at 19:08  

Okay, I dont know what next to say. I know it's rude to ask but cant help but wonder how old you are. I must be wayyyyy older than you are. Seriously, not that it matters or does it?

kay-shawn 22 August 2008 at 19:55  

Really dont mind telling you. It's nothing to me but can we discuss this privately? Don't want the others eavesdropping. E-mail addy is kayshawn2008@gmail.com.

Baroque 23 August 2008 at 11:05  

truth is, i never really finshed reading this post...i dont know about women not reading maps, the one i know is that WOMEN DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE DIRECTIONS...proven time without number

btw, Dr.Naaps, what kind of self-effacing oration was that? *frowns*

SOLOMONSYDELLE 25 August 2008 at 23:10  

my comment got erased. I'm so sorry. Will come back and leave another one...

Carlang 26 August 2008 at 09:38  

Beautiful.
Simply Beautiful.

I love the way you wrote it.
I happened to think House of Flying daggers was a lovely movie.
It's sequel sounds just as interesting!

Carlang 26 August 2008 at 09:51  

No one likes being lied too.
No one.
I feel your pain.

Parakeet 27 August 2008 at 21:28  

Hey Shubs...time to update.

TheAfroBeat 27 August 2008 at 23:55  

Wow! I read that and thought, Good shepherd, be thou my guide. He will continue to guide you as he always has. Tis quite frustrating when people we know and trust blatantly lie to us about v. important things. Keep fighting the good fight. And thanks for sharing.

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