happiness is egg shaped

I’m hiding behind angels
A little frightened
But already numb to the pain

I go into hospital today
For treatment
Pre-cancerous cells the letter said

I say
It is not cancer
It is not cancer
It is not cancer
‘…keep your kiss of death
'Cause I choose glory, yeah.’

I called my friend yesterday to talk it through
Why?
Respice Finem
She allayed my fears
The Doctor tells me it s quite normal to be abnormal

My advice to you ladies is get smear tests done reguarly
Is it every 3 or 5 years they recommend?
I can't quite remember

I do know
That I am calm
That I am and have always been blessed
So I am still able to smile and laugh in the here and now
I cherish that

So like I said I’ll head out for treatment in a couple of hours... going there with the Good Shepherd =)

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amazing grace

She is an amazing gift of grace… so it cannot splinter her hopes or silence her courage. She holds within her love's unfathomable ability… so it will not cripple her into loving (even a wretch) conditionally. She is embraced in godly fellowship… so it shall not smother her spirit or corrode her faith.

Good Shepherd be with her as she tries to overcome the snares of this danger because 'tis only your grace, her fears, relieve.

So these were my thoughts and prayers as I spoke to my brother when he called today. Somehow I also kept hearing the words of the The Script… so I began ‘looking for those heroes in the sky’… that ‘teach us how to fly’… in order to beg them to reach down with their convalescent hands and mend her wings with just a touch.

Good Shepherd let your words been her constant lullaby despite the fact that at the moment ‘together we cry…’

So what is this all about?

My brother told me that Aunty Grace was in hospital, recovering from an operation. Confused, I asked why. It was to remove a lump in her chest.

Ali: It’s cancer.

I stayed silent… trying to choke back the tears as my heart broke uneven… but they started to spill gently down… pausing for a moment to caress my cheek… before hitting the ground.

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me, my health & I

Last week I turned down workingon a project which meant I’d have to commute to up north every Monday and return back to mine on Friday… the drive is about 6 hours each way…I politely told them no thanks & then added if they chose to keep on taking work up north then they should hire competent folk that live in the area…

This week I got coerced into being the Engineering Consultant for a new bid and I’m not inspired at all…5 days of my time is all I’ve agreed to… I just hope 5 days of work will NOT turn into 3 weeks…

I can’t seem to concentrate at work this week… I don’t feel well… I think I might be coming down with a cold… watery eyes plus my glands are slightly swollen... my own is that if it is a cold it should just come and pass quickly jo…

I'm blaming my Principal Consultant because he came in with a cold this week... also blaming him since he is the one that keeps pointing the Engineering Managers to my desk to ask me to work on projects that he cannot work on... despite the fact that we are BOTH fully loaded my name is still the automatic default from his lips.

Saying that he has just snuck off to 'The Boat Show'... he was trying to keep it quiet from me but I heard him whispering and acting shifty... not like him... then I saw him turning off his computer early... very unlike him... so I walked up to his desk and was like... ‘er... erm... what are you doing cos you better not be dashing off? btw what is all this I just overheard about a boat show?’... the poor guy looked like he'd just been caught with his hands in the cookie jar... lol

Despite the fact that I was amused, I met his stuttered reply with a stern look... at which point he just laughed... I wasn't too hard on him sha because he was here until about 7pm last night... COB is 4:30pm... I left at about 6:30pm yesterday but it was a longish day for me because I was in for 7:30am.

Anyway... back to my health... I have a pain in my neck… I ignored it over the weekend but it is still there… I know full well it is hurting in the same place as it did 4 years ago…

Good Shepherd just send one of your angels to hold me… for now that’s all I ask.

Maybe it is in my head but at the moment… about everything… I am thinking of this passage:

‘…For I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds,' declares the LORD…’ Jeremiah 30:17

So be it, in Jesus Name.

What was I saying?... oh yes... 4 years ago I found a very small lump in my neck… I searched around at the time and found another…I have to thank God for small mercies because neither have grown since I showed the doctor back then… but I never went back like he suggested…

I will register with a doctor's surgery tonight… I should have done so when I moved up here but hey 21 months is an improvement for me… last time I moved it took me over 2 years to register…actually it was probably closer to 3 years.

Hopefully they’ll quickly transfer my medical notes from the old doctor's practice so I can make an appointment for next week… else I’ll pick them up next Tuesday when I drive south to discuss my Russian work.

Must remember to call the HR dept and take up the private health care option that I’m now entitled to have…no disrespect to the NHS.

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