Tuesday, 29 July 2008

sex, lies &...2. games

I knew she liked ‘the game’. In particular, Rosetta liked strategising about how best to play the game’ with whomever she chose to play it with. As it was her only real mental stimulation, she played for maximum physical satisfaction.

At first I ignored them. Then the status updates on fb went from being just puzzling to slightly melodramatic. Finally they became very worrying. After 3 weeks, it had not stopped so I checked her wall. Some of her 600+ friends had already asked after her well being but few of these were our mutual friends. With a sense of perplexity, I sent her a text to check her sanity. She called me back.

Babes I have so missed you. All these yeye friends here just dey like to knife person for back.

Was that what the cryptic fb messages had been about?

Yes. I have been to hell and back. I was in so much pain but God is great. He delivered me after I went through so much. Do you know I was pregnant? What am I saying?... seriously, I was o! It happened recently. The baby’s father acted like an asshole sha. At first when I told him, he didn’t know what to do or say. Then he started behaving like a childish fool and he kept messing up. He even stopped taking my calls. Now that it is all done and dusted he is now trying to apologise. Motherfucker! I told him that God will judge what happened between us.

I hated that she had played this particular ‘game of chance’ and the baby had lost. I prayed silently to heaven. I guess her behaviour was to be expected. But what had she really expected of Dapo?

Ehnnn? What did you say? No it wasn’t Dapo’s baby o! When he found out I was pregnant he said he would stick by me no matter what. Then, I told him it was Shola’s baby. He said lai lai!...raise Shola’s child as his own? God forbid. We broke up sha.

Shola ke? Not him!!! She knew he simply loved the fun of ‘the chase’. When had this started?

That time I told you that I let him walk me home, we didn’t really do anything even though he kept begging me to allow him. He said ‘not doing’ was making him crazy. In the end I said ok but all I allowed him to do was just enter me once and come straight out. It doesn’t count.

One thrust doesn’t count abi? C’mon even Clinton with his big cigar knows it all counts. So had they started seeing each other from that time?

It wasn’t like that now. Honestly, I tried to keep away from him after that but we jammed at a club. He knows that in a million years I would never have slept with him if I hadn’t been drunk. That is why we didn’t use a condom sha.

She circumscribed to the time & place. Then she chose to play with no personal protective equipment. I wondered if she really believed what she was saying. I had always known why she loved playing in this ‘world of make una believe’; it was one that was internally removed from everything real around her. Inside it, her hurt... her real sense of pain was dulled in ‘freaky deaky’ ecstasy. Had her husband found out what was real, he would have hurt her… correction… he would have killed her.

Evans ke? It would have been hard to hide it but thankfully that one is still doing his own rubbish jare. I wanted to keep it but he would have known it wasn’t his. I mean how can I explain to my oyinbo husband that I born black baby for am? Besides we haven’t slept together lately.

Their bedroom ‘war games’ had never surprised me. She was in her twenties but he was in his… err… later years. Surely, the fb malarkey had not been about Evans. If not, then who?

It’s Aalyya and Amaka. They have been real bitches lately. Can you imagine that they have been going around spreading my gist? My friend called me to tell me that they had been talking to her about me. Thank goodness I had already told her what had happened so she could tell that Aalyya had remixed the story. I called Aalyya and told her to leave me the hell alone. What status does she think she will gain by bringing me down? They should carry their wahala waka go jo. And Linda has been a cow too!

Who was Linda?

She is my friend now... shebi I told you about her before? I did now... na im I dey help to start new business. You can't remember? This your memory sef! Anyway, I looked at my husband’s phone and there are missed calls from Linda. He tried to hide it from me. I know she wants to fuck him. She thinks if he does he will set her up. Bitch! Why does she wants to spoil my own? In Jesus' name, nothing will ever spoil my own. Me too let me say ‘Amen’. Awww... honestly, don't worry about me. I’m fine now babes. Iheatu has been so supportive.

Who the hell was Iheatu?

Iheatu na my new boyfriend now. He is from America. He is trying to make it here as an Artiste. Before you ask, the guys hasn’t come near me like that o! I know you now...hahaha...that is why I quickly said it. I told him everything and he just wants to take care of me. He wants me to heal. Plus he doesn’t want to be my ‘bit on the side’.

I chuckled at this...I couldn't help it. Of course he didn't. I had never heard of a man that wanted to be any woman’s side dish. Unless...

I promise you, I’m not giving him anything. I mean I know he is struggling sha but he hasn’t asked me for money to help him out. Hello? Hello? Can you hear me now? I can hear you. What was I saying?...Yes, of course I'm sure. I've offered but he says he doesn't need it... he says not yet. I'm just happy that he loves me and is willing to wait until I’m ready to leave my husband. Can you imagine that cow Aisha is after him?

I thought Aisha was dating Wole Ray?

You know how e bi at Christmas now. Why didn’t you come btw?

I had crashed my car… it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Sorry o! Anyway at Christmas there is a massive influx of new blood. Wole Ray had already enjoyed her Hausa ass so he dumped her just before. She is begging to be noticed. Please she should have some self respect and stop competing with me. Can you believe she actually turned up at the door of Iheatu’s hotel room in Abuja uninvited? He turned her groupie ass down. He loves me.

Sadly, I doubted he had turned Aisha down. I also doubted that he loved Rosetta already. I was willing to wager that his probable maxim was one of ‘maximum returns’. It was more likely that he was in love with her ‘dollar dollar bills’.

Crap…my credit has nearly finished. It has been so good to talk to you again. Bye.

Goodbye Rosetta.

I sigh and hang up, knowing that the spec that could have become a luminous pearl may instead develop as a very visible crack in a flawed diamond.


Jennifer A. 29 July 2008 at 01:09  


Ayaya! What an intermingling of lies and dust! An interesting web of deceit, a road leading to destruction and emptiness...

*Loved reading it*

mizchif 29 July 2008 at 01:37  

But na wa o, do u really mean that only one woman had all these men.
As in only she one, all these many pricks, in the same season. Hmmmmm.......I sometimes wonder what the motivation for such acts of idiocy could be. And she actually deludes herself, thinking any of them loves her and thinking that other ppl r jealous of her.....

I hope she sees the light soon.
Nice read tho!

archiwiz 29 July 2008 at 01:40  

Crap!!! I thought I would be first.

Anyway, I'm third...

archiwiz 29 July 2008 at 01:58  

Ykes! That is some serious risky business. She's married and behaves and thinks like this? Wow, wow, wow.

archiwiz 29 July 2008 at 01:59  

Oluwadee isn't it bedtime yet?

O'Dee 29 July 2008 at 01:59  

This babe is really into some seriously twisted life.
She needs 2 see d light, or as Jaycee said, "will be lead into destruction and emptiness".

I love the way u write.

O'Dee 29 July 2008 at 02:00  

Archiwiz, I can't sleep oh.

ynot! 29 July 2008 at 04:42  

sori ladies, 4got 2 knock. ddnt mn 2 barge-in on ur girl-talks.
handle ur businesses.

Afrobabe 29 July 2008 at 07:15  

Not fair Shubby, how can you post while UK is asleep???

Afrobabe 29 July 2008 at 07:25  

yeah but I have long ago seized the moral indignation or outrage about friends who live this kind of lifestyle co somehow they know the game and they marry well...well at least all the ones I know...and the ones who have been good girls get trampled over...

Believe me you will write her story again about how she not only sorted her ass out but managed to get the most eligible bachelor in the process, past life and husbands forgotten...

it seems to be written in stone that bad girls excel....

I still live in the cross roads, not daring to be bad and not really good....

Thirty + 29 July 2008 at 11:49  

Can anyone get more crazily twisted?!

My head is spinning, need to go and chill a bit.

flawsandall 29 July 2008 at 13:48  

ok oh...na so ehn
Funny though, most girls have at least one rosetta in their lives..or shit might even be the rosetta
I mean if it makes her happy, she should do her..at the end life will come around
I like all her religious interjections here and there.It prolly makes her feel better, that she still remembers "amen" and "in jesus name"

Shubby Doo 29 July 2008 at 15:40  

*Quick Update* I changed a name to Aalyya (from Ada) cos the girl is actually hausa. Sorry but I was doing this from midnight onwards while I should have been sleeping!!!

@Oluwadee – it wasn’t just you that was up and about in blogville at around 2am this morning…

UndaCovaSista 29 July 2008 at 18:16  

I have long since concluded that i live a very tame and sedate life, and this only serves to confirm that!
Not that i would swap tameness and sedateness for this kind of drama tho'!!!

The Activist 29 July 2008 at 20:24  

Hmmm to think that someone actually thougth one thrust is not enuf to impregnate. Everything depends on her na. It's all abt her safe period or the not of it

The Activist 29 July 2008 at 20:36  

Hmmm to think that someone actually thougth one thrust is not enuf to impregnate. Everything depends on her na. It's all abt her safe period or the not of it

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl 30 July 2008 at 00:46  

Geezzz rosetta ha ha. that one na war ohh. quite a handful. chai!!

u know the very funny thing. is so many of us have friends like rosetta. i know i do. all i do is enjoy their gist, think why they turned out that way and go to bed.

Naapali 30 July 2008 at 05:19  

This drama surpasses the Argentinian radio soap operas in Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter. One maxim holds true, there is no human behavior imaginable that has not at sometime in human history been enacted.

This Rosetta stone no be diamond.

Jaguda 30 July 2008 at 11:55  

this drama you have captured in an engaging manner is a real life expose with women all around the world. it seems some women cant seem to stay away from trouble, wherever they live.

afrobabe is right, the bad babes usually marry well

Shubby Doo 30 July 2008 at 12:37  

@jaycee – IMO there is ‘an emptiness’ already… when she lost her innocence, the space was left void. I hope someday it will be filled back with love.

@archiwiz – She leads me to believe that married folks conducting in such rubbish put the sexual antics of single boys and gals to shame…

@mizchif – They really are pricks aren’t they? Her thorns…

@oluwadee – I hope so too. Thank u…I’m glad you like it

p.s. you seem to be first on everybody’s blog l8ly but not my own :(

why couldn’t you sleep sweetie?

@ynot – ‘…handle your businesses’ & then you just went like that…ok o!

@Afrobabe – I see nothing wrong with that so let nobody judge you. Spartan's advice to me once was ‘whatever you choose to do, don’t hurt yourself’.

You’re right they seem to marry well… I hope Rosetta will eventually.

@30+ - I'd like to think more ‘lost’ than ‘twisted’.

@Zephi – everybody needs God in their lives… saints and sinners alike.

@UCS – there is nothing wrong with ‘the sedate’…I'll just say that over this; give me peace of mind anyday!!!

@Standtall – in this day and age why practice based on ‘safe period’??? Haba, (lets even forget protecting against STDs and STIs for a VERY small minute) what of ‘the morning after pill’?

One thrust didn’t get her pregnant.

@Lighty – Good advice.

@Doc Naps – ‘rosetta stone no be diamond’…maybe… probably but I’d like to think that she is still precious (few people in this world are flawless). Everybody in this world is someone worth cherishing. I think she has to start loving herself 1st; unfortunately, she looks to others for love.

Rosetta stone… can I get nothing past you doc? (I hope to goodness you didn’t figure out everything I hid in my post ‘child of a dream’)

I might buy the book ‘Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter’ or rent the film version (Tune in Tomorrow) now that you’ve said that… I’m leaning towards the latter because it has Keanu Reeves in it… eye candy is always a bonus with me!

@Jaguda – Hurray to more men commenting!!! Thank you. In many respects you and Afro are right but I also want to believe that sometimes 'slow & steady' can win the race.

The conversation style is kinda my tribute 2 the style used in ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’. That was a game and a half… see babanla trapping!

I need to head over to yours…lets just say ‘dripping’ had me…*blushes*

Smaragd 30 July 2008 at 19:05  

my life when compared to this girl's is like sugarless garri compared with asian seafood and mixed vegetables fried rice! "babanla orisirisi"! (sorry non-yoruba speakers, cant translate that)

much as i love chinese food, i'd rather remain garri than be HER anyday.

although Afro has a point, it always SEEMS that the bad girls have it good while the good girls have it rough.

ShonaVixen 30 July 2008 at 22:19  

first time on your blog and lurving it so so much! I just lurv the way you write!!Your friend, is living in her own 'world' so to speak, full of denial, deceit and destruction!!

kay-shawn 31 July 2008 at 16:45  

Hmmm.... Rosseta or what was her name again? She's got serious issues. May God deliver us from women like that. To think that she's got a husband. Before I get carried away, its fiction isn't it?

Chari 1 August 2008 at 00:48  


Serious beans here man! ahnahn!

no comment! *zips lips*

Shubby Doo 1 August 2008 at 10:03  

@Smaragd – LMAO@sugarless garri…*Shubby Doo regains composure*…erm erm…wharra hell!… u berra behave o!… how dare you describe your sweet self as sugarless?!!!

@ShonaVixen – thank you and welcome… kinda sounds like you’re describing this world to me…*sighs*… thankfully it is just an aspect of it.

@kay-shawn – na true talk o!

@lil' Chari – silence ke?… from you?…wow now I’m stunned ;-P

Rayo 1 August 2008 at 11:45  

i tried so hard to follow all d guys and i just got confused, but i get d gist, haba.

NaijaScorpio 2 August 2008 at 18:04  

Is this for real or is it fiction?

naijaleta 2 August 2008 at 21:54  

Erm.... I was wondering if you could pass Rosseta's number to me, maybe I can give her some brotherly counsel and advice. I think she needs it.

Shubby Doo 3 August 2008 at 22:33  

@rayo – funny… I’m sure I’ve said something very similar in conversations with her

sorry if I lost you there

@sting – it is a story… for real

@naijaleta – brotherly advice… how sweet of you to offer but she would let it slip and Evans would kill me… no joke, I’ve seen the guns in the house!!!

Buttercup 5 August 2008 at 13:38  

wow....that was just..shockin...not like im so naive...but wow...

  © Blogger template Newspaper III by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP