Wednesday, 17 June 2009

lord of war

That should probably read 'Lords of Wars'... becos both don plenty pass o! Apologies for my absence but I’ve dealing with too many family issues these past weeks… it’s been really HARD keeping up appearances because I just want to explode… family politics is just the shits!… all this because everybody in the House of Agbada Daggers seems content to ‘just throw one's toys out of the pram’… honestly the nursery is in a right royal mess.

‘Always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstasy’
Really?! Ok sha but na pidgin I go use because e be like say dis mosquito na malaria o!!!... *SMDH*... so make I yarn my tory now make una fit understand wetin dey do me abi?

‘The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition’
Na true talk be dat o! You see wen money miss road go make mouth… anoda one go make yeye yab am finish… I no even fit support am… who tell am say make he dey carry woman up and down.

Instead wey make chuku chuku pour water for fire he go dey side with cry baby… chuku chuku one no even vex me jare… everybody don know say na corner corner dat one dey do pass… me, I wan laugh wen I hear say he dey tell person make dem chop bullet everytime he wan land... na wa o! Abi him too wan come say all of us no sabi dat na woman wrapper dey do both of dem... from time!!!... mscheeww.

‘The first and most important rule of gunrunning is, never get shot with your own merchandise.’
Wen I see say wahala dey ground, I come say make I try talk small... sotai I talk say na condition dey make crayfish bend… say make we open eye for compound make arm robber no enter… dem no wan hear word… say make I carry go... Na so I come see say dem fit chook me too o!... so me sef I kuku comot for road jejely make dey no use my own join am…

‘They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."’
From nowhere dem come face gorimpka cry blood… say make he carry dey go… ehnnn? Becos why?! Why dem dey do like fool don pass garri? Please help me beg o!… I no even sabi how he enter wahala with dem… but e be like say na becos he no wan put eye dia.

Fear catch me no be small sha wen I hear dat one sha… mind tell me say make I rush go collect am cos e no even get money enter molue or machine or carbu carbu…

‘You know who's going to inherit the Earth? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is too busy killing each other. That's the secret to survival. Never go to war.’
Wen I reach, see am tanda dia, I tell say make he dey come. Na so moro moro come dey talk tory wey get many leg… dat pololo own no be de only one wey dey for ground... dat na kill and divide cry baby dey do since... say we just dey think say na fren fren dey do am but e be like say chuku chuku wan use style take garri from all our mouth… say im don see say serious wahala already dey for ground already... dat na why he no wan put fire for dis talk... he just dey try patch am.

I just siddon dey look am…I no even fit find mouth talk again… e be like say bad belle don plenty o!... today na today... abi na craze?!!!...*sighs*…

‘They say that I am the lord of war, but perhaps it is you.’
Make I talk true... before before na me dem dey face... as per, if trouble dey na my name dem go first call... dis time sha, I'm truly trying to help where I can even though I don't do stress... this time, ‘I am a man of peace; but when I speak, they are for war.’ Psalm 120:6-7... their irrational human behaviour is just beyond me... so much so, they ALL make me want to SCREAM!!!

Honestly, man pickin don tire!... for now I wash my hands of all the nonesense jare…

p.s
Good Shepherd abeg no vex but needs must… man no die, man no rotten. I know you understand.

21 comments:

ShonaVixen 17 June 2009 at 11:45  

Dang....you are mad right!!! Girl so na pidgin grammer u decide to use..Shona no dey understand complete o!!!
Seriously though, i was like maybe she means this or that!!
But my brothers do driver me up the wall as well!!
It will be ok hon!!

ShonaVixen 17 June 2009 at 11:46  

Make i shout first o!!!
FIRST!!!!!!!

ShonaVixen 17 June 2009 at 11:47  

Geez, where are all these folks??Getting the retired ones taking their positions...I've just Michael Phelps'd it..I'm sure i could get up to 10 and none of these people would be here!!!

ShonaVixen 17 June 2009 at 11:49  

*sigh* come onnnnnn blogville!!
Ok, before Shubby gives me the side-eye lemme go..humming *Its My Time* by Fabulous et Jeremih!!

ShonaVixen 17 June 2009 at 11:50  

I might as well take number 5 too..ok Shubby I promise to stop now..LOL!!

Shubby Doo 17 June 2009 at 12:05  

@shonavixen - lol

p.s
thanks i needed that :-)

THIRTY + 17 June 2009 at 12:29  

Reading this just made me remember riddles and jokes. Of course it's not a joke it's more like riddle and latin.

I shall try to come back for another attempt.

BSNC 17 June 2009 at 12:51  

lol mosquito na malaria, wey make chuku chuku pour water for fire he go dey side with cry baby

E don tey wey i hear all those conk pikin and i been think say i dey try for pigin...

Hope you are good sha.

chayoma 17 June 2009 at 13:39  

gorimkpa, gosh i havent heard that word in a while...
But seriously, no be only u oh! my peeps dey drive me crazy! i wan craze....and this is across the Atlantic oh!

doll 17 June 2009 at 16:00  

@ Shona we have Nigerianilized you o!

Nice pidgin there. LOL

Tigeress 17 June 2009 at 17:39  

Shona a.k.a Oluwa.....hehehehe we don nigerianize u.

Shubby, omd where have u been? Se na bobo? :)

Nice post. U tried sha- writing so much in pigin.

Afrobabe 17 June 2009 at 21:49  

ok...this is extremely different...had to check again to see it was your page...lol..back from all your trips??

Afrobabe 17 June 2009 at 21:49  

ok...this is extremely different...had to check again to see it was your page...lol..back from all your trips??

wordmerchant 17 June 2009 at 22:56  

mehn i can't even lie..need a translator!! my own pidgen no reach this level.

Shona..ha, see this girl taking up all the top spots, let me set the first police on you lol!

Buttercup 18 June 2009 at 03:36  

Wow.. I hope it all gets sorted soon. Hang in there!

wordmerchant 18 June 2009 at 11:02  

Ahhh..i get it now, a lil :)
The wahala is too plenty..too much for our resident engineer..

Like they say, you cannot choose your family, if not mehn, i'd have traded my gramps for a nicer model!

How you enjoyed your hols xx

Shubby Doo 18 June 2009 at 14:45  

@thirty plus – egbon…no be joke o!

@BSNC –My dear, as for my own…help me thank God cause I dey kampe!

p.s
how are u hon?

pp.s
I thought I’d have to dig deep to do this…surprisingly it came quite naturally…

@chayoma – eya!!! dem dey cause u problem across atlantic ke? my dear na standard family thing be dat… at least for my own, wen water distance dey between us dem go wait make I first reach their side…result is always the same sha…katakata go burst…*sigh*

@doll – lol…dat shona be original naija babe now o!

@tigeress – my sista…I dey o! you know se any problem woman go get na to do with bobo!!!

@afro – na me o! u no see say dey don vex me finish!!! Utter madness

p.s
Sweetie, I’m back.

@wordmerchant – just in case, here's a summary:

Person A got caught cheating on person B with a gold digger. Person C sides with person B. As did I. Despite my fear, Person B doesn’t really think the gold digger is a threat so doesn’t want to do anything about it apart from lament and tell the world for the umpteen time ‘I’m a victim o!’. Hence, my frustration!!! Person B stops speaking to Person A. Person C also stops speaking to person A apart from when Person C helps to stick the knife into person A whenever Person B wants to do so. This is despite the fact that Person C is a woman wrapper too. Suddenly person B & C with person A’s help (who they should NOT be talking to) decide to kick person D out cause Person D refuses to take sides.

Got it?!!!

@buttercup – Thanks. I hope so too.

@wordmerchant - awww...sorry to hear that hon

p.s
their wahala too musch o! LOL

pp.s
i did thanks. had a blast!!!

UndaCovaSista 18 June 2009 at 18:24  

Wow, Shubby! Thank God for your synopsis for wordmerchant as i was completely lost too. Hope you feel better having got that off your chest :), and thanks for stopping by. I'm fine thanks and hope to update soon. Promise

doug 22 June 2009 at 05:30  

Ol' boy! I was soooo lost! Maybe its cos I hardly ever get to READ pidgin.

Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuubbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

How far now? :D

Uzezi 23 June 2009 at 11:35  

welldone. u too try.
lol@ shona

Lolia 24 June 2009 at 20:28  

Okay so I'm so lost it's ridiculous :(...In fact, it's shameful...

But hope everything works out sweets, when something is trying to annoy you, just remember your **fabulous vacation** :)

You're right though, family politics sucks *sigh*

All the best dear xxx

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