nair

I stood there knowing full well that I didn’t yet have the courage to go through with my decision. I was nervous. Maybe that was why my hands continued to register the sensation of a thousand tiny thorns prickling at once. Better than suffering from sweaty palms I thought.

I searched through my bag to find a metal object. I held on to it tightly and noticed that the feeling of ‘pins and needles’ slowly began to dissipate until it was no longer there. I said a silent prayer of thanks that a trick my housemistress taught me at only 10 years old still proved useful.

Still I had not mustered the nerve to go in. I had a couple of minutes to spare. As people moved around me, I raised my head to look beyond the sun-smacked parked cars and through the trees; I could see the aquamarine of the Atlantic. I wished I could just go to the beach front and relax with everybody else. It wasn’t an option today... well not at this particular time anyway. I was expected here and all I had to do was walk through the door. I felt betrayed by society… heck…wasn't it was social conditioning that was compelling me to do this instead of sticking to the old fashion methods?

Fuck it. It was not quite against my will... I had a choice.

I turned and opened the door. I took deep breaths to calm myself as I was led downstairs. In the small room, I was asked to take off my clothes. I stripped, from the waist down, to my underwear and then I lay down on my back.

I looked up for reassurance as I questioned how bad it would really be. The eyes that stared back at me were sympathetic. I was told that it affects people at different levels but the pain was a constant factor with all. Then I was asked how far I wanted to take this. All the way; no point doing things like this by halves. My response was greeted with a smile which I tried to return but in truth even the smallest ounce of courage still alluded me.

The hands reached for my legs and split them apart slowly. Then my knickers were pushed gently to one side. I was instructed to hold myself. I didn’t understand. Through a stifled laugh I was told that it would help with the pain I would experienced because it was my first time.

As I felt the warmth of the substance being spread on my inner thigh a soft moan escaped from my lips. It actually felt quite pleasant. I tried to hold on to that thought; pleasure. Then it started and the pain was excruciating. Wave after wave it hit me as I was stripped apart. It became an unbearable assault that caused tears to trickle down my face. Eventually, I lost myself to the pain as the world around me dimmed and went dark.

It was its repetition alone that flickered on the light and brought me back to reality; a distance sounding voice asking me again and again if I was ok.

I whimpered a barely audible confession that it had been hurting. Badly. I was told that I didn’t have to go all the way; this was a good point to stop. Really? I was reassured that I had been trying to be too brave as most people were not able to go through with it completely; not the first time in any case. To keep going would be foolish.

I sat up slowly still dazed and sore. As I put my clothes back on, I was told I needed to return in 4 to 6 weeks. Apparently the pain wouldn’t be as bad the second time round. Yeah right… who was trying to kid who now? I didn't know if I would come back but I knew I would never attempt to go all the way ever again. I knew my limit.

As I stepped outside, I still could not see distinctly despite the fact that it was a sunny afternoon. Now I understood what those poor cartoon characters were meant to have been feeling after they connected with a ‘POW’ and the stars circulated above their heads.

15 months later I recounted the experience to my good friend Jay.

Jay: What made you so confident you could do it?
Shubby Doo: Once I got there...there was no going back.
Jay: Was it worth it?
Shubby Doo: When I looked up and saw the smile on Spartan’s face… it sure was.
Jay: Women… you guys are too hardcore about these things sha.
Shubby Doo: It hurt o but it didn't kill me abi?... I guess it wasn’t that bad really. Hey, you should try it.
Jay: Ehnn… really?… what do you recommend?
Shubby Doo: Waxing? for a guy?… I think probably a ‘back, sack and crack’… hmmm… for you?… I dunno but I would love to be a fly on the wall if you ever do go sha because getting that bikini wax felt like torture the 1st time… not as much now sha… but mehnnn... I have nothing but respect for all those women that opt for a Brazilian or the full Hollywood ‘bald eagle’ look.

Jay smiled as he raised an eyebrow at me. Then he changed the subject.