Thursday, 28 August 2008

nair

I stood there knowing full well that I didn’t yet have the courage to go through with my decision. I was nervous. Maybe that was why my hands continued to register the sensation of a thousand tiny thorns prickling at once. Better than suffering from sweaty palms I thought.

I searched through my bag to find a metal object. I held on to it tightly and noticed that the feeling of ‘pins and needles’ slowly began to dissipate until it was no longer there. I said a silent prayer of thanks that a trick my housemistress taught me at only 10 years old still proved useful.

Still I had not mustered the nerve to go in. I had a couple of minutes to spare. As people moved around me, I raised my head to look beyond the sun-smacked parked cars and through the trees; I could see the aquamarine of the Atlantic. I wished I could just go to the beach front and relax with everybody else. It wasn’t an option today... well not at this particular time anyway. I was expected here and all I had to do was walk through the door. I felt betrayed by society… heck…wasn't it was social conditioning that was compelling me to do this instead of sticking to the old fashion methods?

Fuck it. It was not quite against my will... I had a choice.

I turned and opened the door. I took deep breaths to calm myself as I was led downstairs. In the small room, I was asked to take off my clothes. I stripped, from the waist down, to my underwear and then I lay down on my back.

I looked up for reassurance as I questioned how bad it would really be. The eyes that stared back at me were sympathetic. I was told that it affects people at different levels but the pain was a constant factor with all. Then I was asked how far I wanted to take this. All the way; no point doing things like this by halves. My response was greeted with a smile which I tried to return but in truth even the smallest ounce of courage still alluded me.

The hands reached for my legs and split them apart slowly. Then my knickers were pushed gently to one side. I was instructed to hold myself. I didn’t understand. Through a stifled laugh I was told that it would help with the pain I would experienced because it was my first time.

As I felt the warmth of the substance being spread on my inner thigh a soft moan escaped from my lips. It actually felt quite pleasant. I tried to hold on to that thought; pleasure. Then it started and the pain was excruciating. Wave after wave it hit me as I was stripped apart. It became an unbearable assault that caused tears to trickle down my face. Eventually, I lost myself to the pain as the world around me dimmed and went dark.

It was its repetition alone that flickered on the light and brought me back to reality; a distance sounding voice asking me again and again if I was ok.

I whimpered a barely audible confession that it had been hurting. Badly. I was told that I didn’t have to go all the way; this was a good point to stop. Really? I was reassured that I had been trying to be too brave as most people were not able to go through with it completely; not the first time in any case. To keep going would be foolish.

I sat up slowly still dazed and sore. As I put my clothes back on, I was told I needed to return in 4 to 6 weeks. Apparently the pain wouldn’t be as bad the second time round. Yeah right… who was trying to kid who now? I didn't know if I would come back but I knew I would never attempt to go all the way ever again. I knew my limit.

As I stepped outside, I still could not see distinctly despite the fact that it was a sunny afternoon. Now I understood what those poor cartoon characters were meant to have been feeling after they connected with a ‘POW’ and the stars circulated above their heads.

15 months later I recounted the experience to my good friend Jay.

Jay: What made you so confident you could do it?
Shubby Doo: Once I got there...there was no going back.
Jay: Was it worth it?
Shubby Doo: When I looked up and saw the smile on Spartan’s face… it sure was.
Jay: Women… you guys are too hardcore about these things sha.
Shubby Doo: It hurt o but it didn't kill me abi?... I guess it wasn’t that bad really. Hey, you should try it.
Jay: Ehnn… really?… what do you recommend?
Shubby Doo: Waxing? for a guy?… I think probably a ‘back, sack and crack’… hmmm… for you?… I dunno but I would love to be a fly on the wall if you ever do go sha because getting that bikini wax felt like torture the 1st time… not as much now sha… but mehnnn... I have nothing but respect for all those women that opt for a Brazilian or the full Hollywood ‘bald eagle’ look.


Jay smiled as he raised an eyebrow at me. Then he changed the subject.

50 comments:

Jaycee 28 August 2008 at 02:29  

First....mu ha ha!!!! Before Afrobabe comes...

Jaycee 28 August 2008 at 02:33  

Waxing...no comment!

I sha enjoyed reading the story tho, as I do most stories on ur blog anyways!!!

Kai...confidence o!

Sting 28 August 2008 at 03:44  

Bikini wax ke? Hellsss nah!

Naapali 28 August 2008 at 04:46  

A part of me wants to say that is why women are stronger than men, because of the pain they can endure for what the guy in me cannot even comprehend.

Another part of me thinks this just confirms why women are crazy. Which kin suffahead be dat for sake of wetin?

Naapali 28 August 2008 at 04:47  

One more thing
- you shoulda called on the good shepherd before you went in there, at least one sheep would have been sent to head butt you out of that place.

Miss Definitely Maybe 28 August 2008 at 07:40  

I see it is just me in here with a dirty mind....wwhen I was reading the story waxing was the last thing on my mind.
good post as usual.

Rita Esuru Okoroafor 28 August 2008 at 07:53  

Sure it was a bikini wax? Please tell me my mind has been renewed...

Nice, interesting post.

I have sweaty palms and it sure embarrasses me when I'm trying to prove "strong woman".

Afrobabe 28 August 2008 at 09:13  

9th yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....well I gots to celebrate my position now...

Jarrai 28 August 2008 at 09:22  

Top ten... not bad

Shubby for a minute i thought u were in the doctors office...this woman sef...Waxing hurts like hell but the results are nice...i feel all groomed after am done lol lol

Parakeet 28 August 2008 at 09:57  

Bad gurl...so its waxing you described as if they were leading a girl to the slaughter table. I actually thought you were describing the expeirience of a lady going through the D&C procedure.

Well I've never had any of those waxes and doubt I will. I'm too feminist for that. Hair is part of being human. The farthest I go is my shaving sticks all for hygiene sake!

Afrobabe 28 August 2008 at 09:58  

Girl...I dont care if no man ever sleeps with me again cos all i do is shave or trim..

me not waxing nothing...I followed a friend there and saw her cry...

same reason I haven't got the tattoo yet...

Afro and pain don't go..

met a blogger that asked me to tweez my eyebrows instead of using a razor, i bought a tweezer, tested it on a strand of hair and put it in storage!!!

Afrobabe 28 August 2008 at 09:59  

Errrrrmmmm can we get a pic?

might encourage us you know...lol

Shubby Doo 28 August 2008 at 11:04  

@jaycee – yay! You are first dearie. well done hun. Hope you enjoyed it despite the fact that I was still editing. Looking back now, it was more madness than confidence.

@sting – you should try it. it’s like epilating your legs or plucking your eyebrows …you get numb to the pain. I hardly wince now and like Jarrai says the results are so worth it.

@doc naaps – 3rd …yay! well done. Crazy ke? you know what they say…no pain …no gain. Besides I couldn’t ask the Good Shepherd for a save for this…way to minor… and no he would never send another sheep to head butt me outta there…somehow I’m sure you would happily volunteer tho :-P

@Miss DM – hahaha… glad you thought that… it was my exact aim when I wrote this. Thanks.

@Rita Esuru Okoroafor – you get sweaty palms?…hey maybe doc naaps can help out with that.

@afrobabe – pls recheck that statement…how are WE celebrating?

@jarrai – the fear of being at the doctors was another thing that came to mind when I wrote this. I glad the post worked in that way 2. Yes, I agree the results are fab and worth it. It is not just the sadist in me that feels pampered and well groomed when it is over ;-)

@parakeet – ehnnn…D&C ke?…woman I pray that lai lai in my future will I have to watch while somebody dilates and then removes anything from my cervix… except during childbirth…that kain craze no catch me o!

@afrobabe – you ke? scared of pulling tiny little hairs out of your body? No way… my dear come join the converted i.e Jarrai and me so far… it ain’t that bad… honest. You get use to it plus it is fast and the results last at least 6 weeks. I’ve tweezed my eyebrows ever since I was 15. I don’t feel it anymore.

Lol @ your request… a pic ke? Only when you carry out this experiment yourself will I share… but just with u!!!

UndaCovaSista 28 August 2008 at 11:46  

Lol@ Naapali

All i can say is 'Ouch'.

Funnily enough, i subjected myself to a 'treatment' (not saying what, but it was purely vanity motivated)
just yesterday morning and it was PAINFUL!!! According to the Technician, my skin is more sensitive than most people's and so she had to apply the anaesthetic twice...I suspect she was really thinking 'what a big baby'

mizchif 28 August 2008 at 11:56  

For me, the title gave you away.
I definitely knew it had to do with hair removal, even b4 i got to the end.

Lately, i've been thinking about a bikini wax, but the thought of the pain, coupled with the fact that i dont wear bikinis anyway, has kinda discouraged me.
I can't go & embarass myself, because i know i must start crying @ some point.

Ms.O 28 August 2008 at 16:06  

Ouch!!!! Did it once..Never went back!!

30+ 28 August 2008 at 17:17  

Ouuch no....

Women are just hmmpph, a million Spartans could not tempt me.

ibiluv 28 August 2008 at 21:22  

triming works.........for me

waxing i leave to brave ones like you.......

nicely written..........

Naapali 28 August 2008 at 23:56  

@ Shubby
- "…somehow I’m sure you would happily volunteer tho :-P"
- to head butt or to wax? ;-)

Buttercup 29 August 2008 at 01:14  

waxing was the last thing on my mind too...

u really do know how to take ur readers for a ride..impressive!

Shubby Doo 29 August 2008 at 09:57  

@UCS – I’ve been to a couple of those beauty treatment salon parties so I can hazard a guess @ the types of treatment you might have had… me I no fit do any of the ones that require aesthetic o!… all I can say as I salute you is 'you aint no baby'

@mizchif – some people were bound to get it straight away. My titles are always strongly linked to one of the main themes in the post.
You should try it…the tears (if they do come) will only be on the 1st visit… but I can’t recommend nair… trying to do cold waxing myself with nair was just a nightmare.

@Ms.O – you know what the pain is like now so if you do go back you’ll see that it isn’t that bad

@30+ - you haven’t seen Spartan!!!

@ibiluv – Thanks. The secret is to trim then wax. Less pain with short hairs

@Naapali – for a 'Back, sack and crack'…LMAO… please go… pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease :-P

p.s
you would head butt me?… isn’t against the Hippocratic oath :(

@buttercup – thanks sweetie

UndaCovaSista 29 August 2008 at 12:47  

@shubby - Lol! I'm sure you're way off. Drop me an email with your guess and i'll let you know if you're right

Free-flowing Florida 29 August 2008 at 18:17  

damn! u've done it, totally turned me off dat wax i'd been thinking abt doing

rayo 29 August 2008 at 20:57  

waxing? i dont even kno what i was thinking...sheesh

NigerianDramaQueen 30 August 2008 at 15:13  

Hecks na! There is no way Im ever doing a wax down there...tweexing my eyebrows is enough pain! I think I'll stick with nair for now. But I heard you get really horny right after you get waxed there, is that true?

Naapali 30 August 2008 at 17:52  

@ Shubby
you said:– for a 'Back, sack and crack'…LMAO… please go… pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease :-P

- I will, as soon as I finish nailing my testicles to the floor.

p.s
you would head butt me?… isn’t against the Hippocratic oath :(

- nah, I wouldn't except if the good shepherd told me to.

Uzezi 31 August 2008 at 00:01  

wait a minute. were u talking about a wax? or u were talking about a wax?

Shubby Doo 31 August 2008 at 13:10  

@UCS – I’ve sent it but I think I’m wrong… let me know sha

@fff – don’t mind me jare… go… I’ve been waxing now for over 6 years

@rayo – lol… I was o!… what was going thru your mind?!!!

@NDQ – tweezing still hurts u? really?!

hmmm… a basic bikini wax doesn’t but I think a Brazilian or Hollywood probably can… ask your friend which one she did and then you’ll understand why!!!

@doc naaps – that is the difference between you and me… i wouldn't head butt u but i'd just luuuuuv to help you out in another way

*smiling sweetly*… I have a hammer here that I can get expressed to you.

Good thing is when you are done nailing, you might have lost the sack but you’ll be in the best position for the technician to do the back & crack bit…

so what do you say naapali?…*laughing*… are you game?

@uzezi – hmmm… it was the latter dearie. I was.

Naapali 31 August 2008 at 20:47  

- and I deemed you a friend :-(

Shubby Doo 31 August 2008 at 21:13  

@naapali - i am... please don't make me feel bad!

rethots 1 September 2008 at 10:48  

...short of which, i hope 'he' appreciated the effort?

naijaleta 1 September 2008 at 12:13  

So whatever happened to shaving creams and razors? Or leaving the thing au naturalle? Er...., met a couple of girls who are clean shaven down there but have never resorted to waxing before. Wonder why you subjected yourself to such torture.

naijaleta 1 September 2008 at 13:01  

Saw your comment on my blog. Deal?

Maybe I can even have a peck on the lips for the effort of locating you?

UndaCovaSista 1 September 2008 at 13:15  

@shubby - Have you? I didnt get any email...

naijaleta 1 September 2008 at 13:20  

Thanks for the cyberhug, now you're released. *sneaks away with a mischiveous snigger*

Shubby Doo 2 September 2008 at 13:06  

@rethots – I did it for me… b4 I met Spartan… so it turned out to be a happy conicidence…but it’s always a good thing when someone acknowledges my efforts and especially pleasing when they show their appreciation of it ;-)

@naijaleta – ok o! we know your spec… au naturel… Ahmed Babatunde Chibuzor can spar with the untamed beast!

@naijaleta – no deal wrt pecks o!...

@UCS – yippee… I was right! Ok I have even more respect for you knowing what you did

@naijaleta – I’m happy to be released… but that your mischievous grin dey fear me… hmmm…

archiwiz 2 September 2008 at 15:10  

Jehovah Nissi!!!!! Lai lai!!! I refuse!!! After the pain of waxing my eyebrows the other day....I totally refuse...Mba nu!

You try...

aloted 2 September 2008 at 16:43  

waxing ke!!! i no fit..

ordinary threading of eyebrows i dey cry...my pain threshold no reach that level..lol

Welldone!

kay-shawn 2 September 2008 at 23:25  

Waxing!!!!!

No comments.

Esmeralda 3 September 2008 at 14:22  

ouch! and then lol!

i personally thot it was a D&C procedure... and yea, my mind's out of the gutter now...

i wax my brows, it still hurts after all this time so i cant even
imagine waxing koko below. i'll stick to trimming, thanx very much.

a little bird told me a little fuzz isnt bad.

besides, doesnt it itch like mad when it's growing back anyway?

poeticallytinted 3 September 2008 at 16:29  

Kai! lai lai! NEVER. I have just one set of ear holes the ones my mother gave me! I have no tatoos, no piercings! I dey fear pain die! waxing my legs brings tears to my eyes, okay who am i kidding? makes me wail like a small child not to even imagine... I confess, a tear or two escaped when i was reading this, what?! Babe you are too much. Thank God it made Spartan happy or else...

@naapali, we are not crazy oh, we are just... (no words come to me)

Shubby Doo 3 September 2008 at 17:44  

@archiwiz – lol

@aloted – hahaha

@kay-shawn - not surprised by that

@esmeralda - the hairs are pulled from the roots so less grow back and those that do are finer than b4… so it's ‘not’ itchy

@poeticallytinted – lol @ i dey fear pain die… but you wax your legs so I know say you brave small pass the one you just talk.

badderchic 4 September 2008 at 13:29  

like naapa said. you should have called for a sheep to follow u atleast
but this na

MADNESS. I mean its bad enough i have to endure my montly pains, added one? from what IMMAC can at least try do?

*wink* I hope say it was worth your while o! if you undastand me? lol

Chari 4 September 2008 at 16:58  

What is it with all these innuendo thingies...

arrggh...I have jus been mind raped! wetin?

Buttercup 7 September 2008 at 16:24  

an update wud be lovely, thank you.

(vixenchick) 7 September 2008 at 23:13  

ive been waxing for a year now, i dont think it hurts after you get used to it, lol

Afrobabe 8 September 2008 at 16:06  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Afrobabe 8 September 2008 at 16:07  

dont even ask me how I posted my comment here...lmao..

having a blond moment!!!

Tigeress 20 September 2008 at 16:16  

waxing? went down that route 2ce- never again! Kudos to you.

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