Monday, 15 December 2008


Last Christmas, I was rocking in places like Bacchus & 6 degrees North, Volar, No 10, Caliente etc… mainly to the tune of Olu Maintain’s Yahoozee but little did I think that dem yahoozee people wey dey UK fit do me 419 this Christmas!

Today I panicked when I checked my account and saw and an unknown debit… with work paying my December salary in at the end of this week on Friday, and me leaving on the country on Thursday, I started thinking I for just come back from Lagos see say dey don clear my account finish…

I don’t know why God told me to check my account today…at first, I was like why is the ID for that transaction written weirdly as ‘WWW.TOTALLYSHOES.C, O.UK’?… then a small light bulb came on and I was like I don't know them so why have they taken money from my account?… I clicked to investigate further and then I was like hell no…uh uh… I didn’t buy anything last week on the 11th.

So I called the bank and found out that on Thursday, after I had endured my 2nd pointless meeting of the day at work (I guess I should back track and correct that because the 1st meeting was quite necessary and it proved useful)… @ 13:58, my bank card was used to buy something off ‘ I assumed this to be the real website address sha because the one above didn’t make sense…

Now with only 3 days before I was to leave for naija… I had to cancel my bank card… I checked all the pending transactions on it and confirmed the remaining were mine… they were thank goodness… I confirmed that the bank could report it as fraud to the police… I then started to look for my oga to say I’d be finishing work early today to enable me to get to the bank before it closed to make a bank declaration

I’d been spitting mad since I looked at my account… I’m normally so cautious… who likes being ‘had’?… not me.… I remember laughing long and hard at an oyinbo guy at work about three years ago who got hustled… for lack of common sense IMO… he and his partner accepted £5000 from a nigerian asking them to transfer about £50,000 into a nigerian's account for the promise of £100,000… na so money just dey rain from the sky?!… I wasn't surprised to hear that in the end they got nothing back in return… the cheque bounced… but after loosing £45,000 the police started investigating them for money laundering activities… me, I don't want wahala so I promptly report all suspect e-mails as phishing scams.

To protect myself from opportunists, I take precautions such as shredding all my card receipts… I never send my banking details in e-mails... I only do internet banking from work because of the nature of the secure work we do… same goes for internet shopping… I've signed up for secure online card verification systems with all but one of my cards and that is only because they are yet to offer it. I rarely do internet shopping with that bank card but I did err two weeks ago and then I ended up cancelling the order because the company was useless…

So upon all my precautions I sat at my desk completely miffed… the recurring question in my head was... of all the cards to all my accounts…why e be de account dat my salary dey enter dem go put hand enter, comot carry go?… I know people can beat the system but I felt so violated… I kept thinking thunda fire their yansh 1 millions times over…

I also felt bloody insulted… I would never shop on that site… not my style… not at all… I get taste better pass dat o but how I fit use dat theory as proof for bank?… I know say I no fit.

Then I started thinking maybe they’d be able to track them down with the delivery address used for the purchase…yes, perhaps… and I hope they lock them up and throw away the key when they find them… I just wanted my money back.

As I got to the end of this post I started thinking of all the things I was yet to get for myself and others for my trip to Lagos… I’d made a list and my eye caught a glimpse of one of the things I had gotten already… yoghurt for the kids… this time a big 1000 watt light bulb came on in my head with a very loud ‘ping’… I remembered an internet transaction I’d made on 11th December @ 13:51 for yoghurt mix… no no no no… but it was with a company called fraser simpson… they sent me an e-mail saying the transaction would show as ‘Totally Commerce Ltd’ not ‘WWW.TOTALLYSHOES.C, O.UK’… WTF?!!!

I’m going to call fraser simpson and check but the amount is the same and the time stamps kinda match so I guess it was probably me afterall… lol…

If it is I’ll call the bank back and explain… to think that all that wahala was for nothing… & I'll still have to wait for a new bank card no matter what, which won't arrive before I leave for Lagos… *shakes head*… I did all that for nothing…

Where is Afrobabe?… Afro… Afro… you sure say no be you wan do me juju like this because I no dey carry you go naija with me for Christmas?!!!


Caelestis Angelus! 15 December 2008 at 16:02  

Kai, you must be kidding me. Are you serious? If not that i have had similar experiences, i for laugh you tire. It happens jare, i have accused some shop of over paying them and later realised i actually bought something else somewhere else

LG 15 December 2008 at 16:07  

pele dear' IT happens but i for like to kno d type 'yoghurt merix' wey u buy :)

aloted 15 December 2008 at 16:48  

hehehehe..why cant the bank stmt just show where u bought the stuff from???

pele..i hope the bank does not think u r high on something...but who cares really...


doug 15 December 2008 at 17:03  

loooool!!!! You were yahooooooed Shubby! Nooooiiice!!! Nemesis catching up on you for all the humiliation you've been heaping on me all over blogsville!
[sticks tongue out]

Anonymous,  15 December 2008 at 17:50  

maybe the song is jinxed.
merry christmas and a happy new year.

Jennifer A. 15 December 2008 at 21:07 was probably the yoghurt after all. I was beginning to assume it was a coworker in that your office...any yahoozeee person...u neva know! :)

badderchic 15 December 2008 at 21:08  

I personally dislike that song, Its just us celebrating mediocrity and ofcourse fraud.

Hope you are sorted o! enjoy with us this christmas babe Naija style meen!

Rebirth 15 December 2008 at 21:24  

if it turned out to be the yogurt, i can imagine the bank's reaction, thinking wtf is wrong with this babe?????? lmao......
i would be worried like u jare. i wonder y some companies use random names. ive been confused too many times also

(vixenchick) 15 December 2008 at 21:32  

girl! i lost my bank card yesterday. it sucks.....i had to order new checks and everything.

but anywhos, i just wanted to drop by and say hi.



Miss Definitely Maybe 15 December 2008 at 21:51  

ha ha ha at least I found someone who has just rated higher than me on the 'foolishness' scale lol.
Me i wouldnt even call the bank to admit that
I would just secretly hope no one finds out which is poretty stupid in itself coz they will.
have fun in Lagos

ShonaVixen 16 December 2008 at 00:43  

LMAO!!!Gurl all this for nothing??I sure hope it was the yoghurt hon...have fun in Lagos xoxo

Lolia 16 December 2008 at 02:16  

But this Doug you are wicked sha looooooool

Pele oh my dear...look on the bright side we {sucks for the rest of you who aren't} are all going home sooooooooooon!

Have a wonderful vacation ^_^

mizchif 16 December 2008 at 03:46  

LMAO!!! So u "yahooed" urself abi. I was actually thinking, na wa oh, serious matter, dis one shubby is speaking pidgin, only for u to introduce ur youghurt purchase. Anywhoos, i'm glad they did not touch "our" salary account.

I just have to add that i am officially hating on ALL those who get to go home for christmas!

bArOquE 16 December 2008 at 08:39  

come oh, is that meant to be funny?...???...i have started making phone calls to track the fuckerz, only for it to be a self fraud stunt...infact i don vex, which kind false alarm be that...give me my kiss back

Shubby Doo 16 December 2008 at 12:17  

@LG – come, how you fit come 1st everywhere…wetin be your secret?…SHARE

Yoghurt is called ‘easi yo’…tastes like ‘muller yoghurt’ and the drinking yoghurt taste like ‘yop’…all you do is add water…each packet will make a litre of yoghurt from live cultures…very good stuff… especially for kids…I love it so I guess I’m just a big kid. LOL

@twix. – feel free to laugh…it’s now the yoghurt company giving me problems confirming that it is them…I don tire…the only reason I’m not jumping up and down is because I’m 99% sure it is them and not some shoe company

@aloted – to be honest it’s not the bank’s fault…it’s the company for using a rogue name to ID themselves…& mine for 4getting

@hot doug jailbird – keep laffing…& make sure you laff hard…cos every ‘doug’ has his day…your turn will come around …again!!! I’m just gonna sit back, relax and wait ;-)

@marjoram – maybe…

Merry Christmas to you 2 hun

@jaycee – you know the thought never even entered my head but I do get stuff sent to work all the time…so if anyone 4rm work ever did do that to me, I’d have no way to prove it wasn’t me…scary…well perhaps maybe thru the addressee’s name

@badderchic – I don’t hate the song…I dislike the mumus that aspire to it…no brains…all those rappers in America with their millions singing about guns and shit, do it to sell records…pure and simple…it’s not real to them…and for those that it was a real part of their lives… it aint not anymore! That is why I was happy when EMINEM sang ‘Stan’…it is not a way of life

4 those lazy opportunistic idiots that can’t separate fiction from reality…I hope reality bites their yahoozee arse, HARD.

@funms, the rebirth – 4get the bank, I’m thinking wtf is wrong with me…I don’t normally forget about such things…as for that company I’m going to keep harassing them until I get an apology…ha…I’ve started already…

@vixenchick – sorry to hear that hun…yes it does especially since xmas is just around the corner…hope it is all more or less sorted now.

Thanks 4 stopping by…wishing you and yours a very merry xmas

@miss DM – LOL…especially after my high and mighty comment at yours about the fact that u should stop looking for wahala…see how me too I go look for am when nothing they do me…shio!!!...U & me are peas in a pod I guess :-)

@shonavixen – for NOTHING…NOTHING….*takes a deep breath*…I so hope it was the yoghurt too…not been able to verify that yet but I’m pretty sure.

@lolia – no mind hot doug jare…

Have a lovely holiday in naija too…u leave for naija 2mrw abi? have a merry xmas dearie…enjoy but stay safe.

@mizchif – can you imagine?...the whole thing sounded as stupid as if I told you that someone walked up to me, slapped themselves and then looked for my sympathy…I guess I was having a blonde moment…lol

@baroque – instead of you to pull me in2 an embrace, let me melt in2 yours arms as you comfort me, you say ‘give me my kiss back’… you kiss me and then you say ‘give me my kiss back’…hmmm…you wan do me wayo abi? I fit give kiss back? I go kiss you again?…nothing for u jo…my eye don clear…the haze don comot finish…

Awww…but I’m glad to know you cared initially…so much so you sent out a search party…that notion settled me…but just looking at that new profile pic of yours has my heart racing again ;-)

ibiluv 16 December 2008 at 12:21  

@badder....yahoozee isnt so bad.....

what can you say about maga don pay?Kelly Hansome? aiight to make mistakes sometimes

i'm glad you were prompt so incase no be yoghurt-them for no yahozee u...*wink*

Anonymous,  16 December 2008 at 12:30  

thats funny oh, see how your mind had already gone to fraud! if it turns out not to be fraud at least u'll be relieved. better safe i always say.

O'Dee 16 December 2008 at 12:46  

Its better to becareful jo.
I do a lot of online shopping, but only on 1 of my cards. & I only put money in there when I place an order.

CaramelD 16 December 2008 at 13:29  

Pele and Ndo! It's better to be cautious... What kind of yoghurt mix is that one now? Still check shah!! LOL

Shubby Doo 16 December 2008 at 14:46  

@ibiluv - i can absolve myself of all responsibility was them - you're is better to be safe than would have been much better if the yoghurt company didn't try to play tricks with my mind!!!

@oluwadee - good tip...i think i might consider doing that 2

@caramelD - thank u is called 'easi yo'...

i have their fault....see below for the continuation of the story

Shubby Doo 16 December 2008 at 14:46  

E-mail received on 15/12 (from Yoghurt Company)
Shubby Doo…Your enquiry has been received and a member of our staff will reply within 1 working day.
Support Priority: Urgent
Status: Open

E-mail received on 16/12 (from Yoghurt Company)
Hi, Many thanks for your enquiry. We are sorry can you contact us again as we have only received part of your email. I am sorry for any inconvenience
With best regards
Priority: Urgent
Status: Closed

E-mail sent on 16/12 (from Shubby Doo)
which part did you received and why is the status of my enquiry closed without being dealt with?!!!
Shubby Doo

E-mail received on 16/12 (from Yoghurt Company)
Hi Shubby Doo, Thanks for the enquiry and sorry for the problems we experienced with your initial enquiry. Yes, this charge is for items ordered from [us]. We have recently changed our payment providers and they had mistakenly set the billing name as our other site, rather than Totally Commerce Ltd. They have been informed of the error and should have now fixed it. Please don't hesitate to get back to us if we can be of any further help.
With best regards
Priority: Urgent
Status: Open
No long thing… but I don’t think I'll be buying yoghurt from them again… next time the kids can fashi

bArOquE 16 December 2008 at 15:37  

you cant behave anyhow & expect all lovey duvey hugs & kisses from me...i go just pity you (for reasons best known to me)...oya come make i hold you...btw who tell you say na wayo i wan do you? you dey do like say you sharp abi, something go just do you oh...small picture, see as your heart dey race? you go die for my hand oh.LOL...meanwhile, what quantity of yogurt are we talking here?

Original Mgbeke 16 December 2008 at 15:39  

Dang! See wahala o, of all times na when you wan go Naija. Besides, why dem go dey code Yoghurt as totally shoes. What does shoes have to do with Yoghurt?

ablackjamesbond 16 December 2008 at 15:51 cannot be too careful jare

Ms Sula 16 December 2008 at 18:17  

Oh no!!! I am so sorry!

I always have issues of the sorts when I am getting ready to travel.

By all means, try to settle it before leaving so you can enjoy your holiday!

Take care.

Nigerian Drama Queen 16 December 2008 at 22:22  

Gosh we really can't be careful enough. I must confess that I am usually careless with such gonna start shredding my receipts, etc from now on. Hope your able to sort it all out.

Your coming to Nigeria too? Las gidi i suppose...

SOLOMONSYDELLE 16 December 2008 at 22:48  

lol! Glad to know it was all a mix up and that you didin't get 'had'.

Have a safe flight to Lagos and enjoy for all of us!

Shubby Doo 17 December 2008 at 11:53  

@SSD – abi o!...despite the inconvenience I am really gratefully that I wasn’t ‘had’

Wishing you and yours a special Christmas…

can’t wait to hear about what your kids get up to this Christmas…their antics always make me smile!

@NDQ – my dear how are you enjoying Abuja?…do kick back, relax and have fun…you’ve worked so hard this year so you thoroughly deserve it.

Yes I will only be in gidi this Christmas…last year I managed to travel to Abuja for just under a week and I loved it…so have fun

@ms sula – u 2?...thanks dearie…just need to re-juggle some finances personally at the bank while I wait for the card but apart from that it is all sorted. Hopefully things will be back to normal by the time I get back…right now I just can’t wait to jump on that plane!

Merry Christmas to you honey. I wish you a blessed new year

@007 dudu – thank you. I know it does so I’m just gonna chalk it up to experience and thank God that I wasn’t yahoozeed!

@original mgbeke – help me beg o! They are blaming their payment provider but I’m glad it’s all more or less sorted out now

@baroque – I’m quite fussy about these things so I can tell you that it isn’t fanIce (which I quietly confess to loving as a kid…lol)…it is is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than that…basically it's extremely good quality yoghurt called ‘Easi Yo’ and it comes in all forms (base, drinking, flavoured, Greek etc…)

I personally think that it is so much better than good quality stuff you can pick up in an english supermarket or delicatessen!

lol @ my misbehaving…but darling don’t you think it makes our making up all the sweeter? ;-)…the reason is not pity but the simple fact that you have a soft spot for me…so you don’t have to say anything…besides I like the strong silent type so *lightly places her finger on baroque's lips*…shhhhh… *smiles & rests her head on baroque’s chest as he cuddles her*

kay-shawn 17 December 2008 at 17:18  

Maybe it's just me but I think writing in pidgin English doesn't really suit you.

Anyway, glad to hear that you were not swindled afterall.

Have a great time in Lagos.

Avartsy 17 December 2008 at 22:33  

LMAO!!! After thunder has finished firing them a milli times're too funny...fault of the original coy. bcos of the name mixup...@ least now u'll be keeping a close eye on that salary a/c, in case of 'incasity'

Have a safe trip both ways chica!

Jinta 18 December 2008 at 15:08  

your next internet shopping trip will be at, yes?

Rayo 20 December 2008 at 17:44  

jeez babe nd here i was thinking u rili had been had. can imagine the trouble u went thru 4 nothing but at least its a good thing u weren't rili swarved

LG 22 December 2008 at 13:45  

Hellooooooooooo' anybodi home?????
i ve got sum hampers 4 u :)
*merry christmas to u n the family'
hope 9ja is treating u fine :)

Anonymous,  23 December 2008 at 20:10  

...this post seems to have been here forever. What hails thee?

Buttercup 23 December 2008 at 22:10  

lol wow...that was something...

happy holidays!

Anonymous,  26 December 2008 at 00:19  

Merry Christmas

Anonymous,  30 December 2008 at 10:59  

WOW....can't say nthn after that!!!

Omo calabar. 31 December 2008 at 18:33  

Hahahaha. I know how u feel, Just deposited my pay check from work the other day went straight to the grocery from the bank, did some grocery, went up to cashiers to pay and my card declned. Omo fear catch me no be small, cos i think say yahoozee boys don thief my account clean up all the money. Thank God i had cash on me, Had to go back to the bank and get a new card because the card reader apparently wasnt reading my card. So i know as u feel. pele sha. Make u enjoy naija o

Dayo Nigeria 2 January 2009 at 12:58  

eh ya, my sympathies. but all hope is not lost and i believe that everything will be sorted out. hope u enjoyed Lagos sha.

Rita 2 January 2009 at 15:45  

Happy New Year! Hope you enjoyed every moment of the festive season.

Afrobabe 2 January 2009 at 22:29  

How in heaven's name did I miss this post?

Afrobabe 2 January 2009 at 23:08  

hahhahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaa you accused them falsely???

Chei see wahala, hope they dont send you the bill for all the investigations they have done...lmao..

I dont know about u guys but I love that yahoozee song pieces men....

SOLOMONSYDELLE 5 January 2009 at 04:59  

happy new yam oh! my sista

The Activist 8 January 2009 at 11:22  


Anya Posh 8 January 2009 at 16:39're too funny. This kind of thing usually happens to me too because I'm way too suspicious of internet scams & the like. I'm glad you figured it out soon enough.

Afrobabe 9 January 2009 at 17:01  

Ha, she's back....

where is the suya???

Smaragd 9 January 2009 at 18:23  

yes o! Caliente, piccolo mondo, swe bar, black007, grotto etc... did u get to all those places?

lol @ ur card fraud scenario... at least u weren't actually defrauded!

miz-cynic 12 January 2009 at 12:01  

RECENTLY....sef me too tot i had been gba-ed. i checked my a.c to see a strange 5k withdrawal by a strange name....i racked my brain....racked and racked nothing. so i kukuma decided to raise alarm.....i mailed the branch only to realise tht the name...lets say marshall whitfield....was for non other than my mechanic....whom me i know as idowu but driver's licence hence cheque i wrote for him reads marshall whitfield

  © Blogger template Newspaper III by 2008

Back to TOP