black swan

So I’m reading a book called The Black Swan; a novel written by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Its premise is the big uncertainty that people never take account of… one that is never mitigated for… one that no contingency is set aside to take care of… simply because living in a box prevents us from thinking outside of it. As a result, society has conditioned us to very rarely factor in any uncertainty associated with black swans into any of our evaluations.

People used to think that all swans were white… it was what was once known to be true so during that time one would have been ridiculed beyond humiliation for even daring to think otherwise… that is… until a black swan was sighted.

An unassailable belief, eventually disproved has three attributes: firstly, it is rooted in the realm of regular expectations; secondly, there is an extreme impact associated with the realisation that the belief no longer holds true; and lastly, there is a need for a concocted explanation that fits. The third is necessary… why?... simply because people do not like the unknown… I guess it is comforting to think that everything can still fit neatly inside the box they choose to live in.

Like I said in the house of agbada daggers, this is my look inward through an enclosure of boundless space. This weblog is what I use to capture thoughts and memories as they occur since I don’t keep a diary. The good thing about this practice is I cannot hide behind retrospective distortion… I cannot overevaluate because my ability to rationalise to a final answer is limited.

Does it really matter that I am doing this without the full benefit of hindsight… I guess it is a condition of life that one suffers or benefits as a consequence of a series of unfolding events without never really being able to see the full picture. I hope that by writing down my unrevised perceptions that contain no illusions of understanding, I may study these events later… to be better prepared perhaps... is that even possible?!... not absolutely.

As this is a diary of sorts, I should have started this entry with how I was feeling today…physically, I am fine… well apart from my nose… you see yesterday I decided to be lazy (by not walking over to the passenger side of my car to get my shopping) which resulted in me smashing my nose against the side frame of the car as I turned to remove the shopping bags that I had reached over to get. I swear to God I thought I heard a crack. Now how is that for unplanned impact?... lol… I laugh now but it still hurts like mad... I can breathe ok so I didn’t rush to A&E.

So apart from that I am doing okay (the ton of assignments I have to do for the various projects I am working on don’t count).

So now I sit in bed and type this to the still of the night. I am one that has always cherished the peace within. Yet for the past four weeks I have lain awake listening to the searching hum of your song. Why? To you I am a black swan: ‘the incomprehensible’ despite the fact that I try and stay as what you know.

How I wish I could make you understand that Flying Snow is a just that part of me that dares to dream the serendipitous dreams of the black swan. Will you not dream with me? I know you are scared but try and understand that people in glass houses should not throw stones... our joint failing is that ‘we do not learn that we do not learn’.

I love you but I do not understand this need of yours for corroboration… as you look for strength in confirming bias based on loose concoctions; I see vulnerability. I know why you are desperate for others to see a false danger by disconfirming my establish truth… but how can that work? you were the one that taught me that my world is not flat, but round. Truth is truth.

These past few weeks, before I laid my head to sleep, I have looked to the faith in myself and prayed, just like you taught me. I still see a world of infinite possibilities. Let me tell you of one of other marvels the Good Shepherd showed me: it was you. I saw you smiling, arms outstretched and full with your parcels; gifts of love, ever selfless.

Your love is like nothing else: giving, insightful but it can also be lawless, crushing and unremorseful.

You are afraid,
I am afraid.

Mãe, I keep trying but you have to meet me halfway…

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sex, lies &...3. chaos

This is a hilarious... while I 100% support Baba Suwe's beloved's mantra of ‘you gats to give, to receive’... I can't stop laughing at his response.

When I get up off the floor and the tears subside I might try and decode what Baba Suwe says here for the non yorubas... although most of the rest of this clip is sub-titled, the classic bits of his rant are not... which is great shame. Like I said I might try but as doing so will most likely cause me to collapse in a fit of laughter again, I can make no promises =)

What I will say is one has to respect him for how he sticks to his guns with respect to what he regards as a gross act of foreplay... I doubled over as he kept repeating similar words to those sang by Meatloaf... ‘I can do anything for love but I won't do that’... but his sentiments are an antonym to those of the song... LOL.

What Baba Suwe's girl wanted: Head.

Resulting chaos: Baba Suwe started ranting and raving; basically, saying ‘hell no’.... in the end there was no sex that night as both of them tried to make their respective points on the matter.

Moral: There is a line that one should never be forced to cross to please another.

Baba Suwe, let katakata burst jo... norring do you jare... I support your theory o! (not this particular one sha)... but I do support the idea behind it… one should never agree to do something, sexually, that makes one uncomfortable for another.

Speaking of chaos... I will take this opportunity to do ‘2 truths and 1 lie’... I was tagged by Doug. No, I will not be tagging any others or pasting the rules here... yes, I do know that it may be unwise to forego the rules or break the chain... & yes, I also understand that by purposely doing so, I may spurn the universe's wrath. Will it dash me a hard slap of ‘the butterfly effect’ for my disobedience?….who knows… but what I do know is that, for this, I am choosing not to give into any notion based on an unrealistic sensitive dependence. So I post this in the hope that the flapping wings of that butterfly that has just taken flight, halfway across the world, will not result in a tornado in my life; as these scenarios can themselves, already, be deemed as salacious or perhaps even scandalous. Thankfully, I can say they have been rarity in my life.

Case 1.
What a girl wanted: To suprise her boyfriend... so I once decided to turn up at his house, using the set of keys he had cut for me. I just wanted to see him as we had been going through another rough patch... basically, his complaint was we didn't see each other often enough. As I snuck out of my parents place and disappeared off their radar, I couldn't help smiling to myself... the thought never crossed my mind that he would be anything other than happy to see me.

Resulting chaos: I caught him in bed with another woman... I stayed there, silent, for what seemed like an age as my mind screamed ‘not again, not again’. When, I woke them up, he stupidly tried to convince me that it wasn’t what I was thinking… then the madness ensued.

Moral: Stop flogging a dead horse because a leopard can't change its spots... (& no the moral of the story for the guys isn't 'do not cut keys to your place for your girlfriend').

Case 2.
What a girl wanted: To get her groove on… so I drank a glass of double Remy Martin & Coke when I was out with a guy I was seeing… then I started sipping on a second glass but left it, unfinished, when it was time to leave the bar. This I did as I was coming to the end of the course of prescribed amphetamines which I had completely forgotten I had taken earlier that morning.

Resulting chaos: I passed out and woke up with the hangover from hell, in a hotel room. I was completely starkers; sporting only the vaguest flashbacks (but no real memory) of the night before.

Moral: Don’t EVER drink while taking drugs... prescribed or otherwise.

Case 3.
What a girl wanted: Love… even the tainted kind... so I let a married man slip his hand inside my bra as my friend drove. When we got to his place to drop him off, I wasted no time in jumping out of the car after he offered to take me home as I lived nearby. I followed him inside, upstairs and into the bedroom to get his car keys.

Resulting chaos: I had an affair with a married man and ended up becoming a home wrecker; he left her for me... only to break my heart later.

Moral: What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mark 10:9).

Which is my lie?

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*UPDATED on 07/02/2009*... specifically to hold off the two hell hounds at my heels (i.e. my dearest Afrobabe and the lovely Avartsy)… the answer is now below in inviso text:

Answer: Case 3 is the lie (truth is I told 2 truths followed by one lie… so I am not really a rule breaker afterall ;-P)

I never had any sort of an affair with Serb. I’ve never seen him since that night we dropped him off. I did hear that at the time he was trying to ‘cop a feel’, his loving wife had left for London to give birth to his 2nd child... *shakes head & sighs*... may that never be my portion.

I hope and pray that the only married man that I will ever follow into the bedroom will be mine. AMEN.

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the usual suspects

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. Wishing you all a happy and blessed start to the New Year.

I got back from Lagos on Wednesday. I’ve swapped the heat only to find that being re-immersed in the cold is more unbearable. C'est la vie I guess.

I had a fab holiday…

OMG, before I forget let me just say that while in Lagos, I watched the Nigerian films ‘Jenifa’ and ‘Jenifa 2’... suliat kan, aiyetoro kan… LMAO... filmed in Yoruba but with English subtitles I think part 1 is a must see for all... absolutely hilarious!!!

OK... back to the jist of this post... i.e. what I got up to... Smaragd, just to let you know that I rocked a little at places like Caliente, Penthouse, Insomnia and Auto Lounge… what else did I do?… I went to Federal Palace… I visited Shoprite for the very 1st time (more for necessity than curiosity)… I went to 2 weddings, one kiddie party, and attended our New Year’s Day family event… funny sha this is the first time in years I purposely didn't take my camera out with me. So I've decided to commit, the various snapshots of my memories hanging out with the usual suspects here. Some, you know… like Rosetta, Reverie, Spartan, Wole Ray and Jay but others you don't… like Niata, Ababa and Kujan plus I met new people like IJ, Ash and Baer.

I just can't believe we're going to walk into certain death
I hope that Jeremy Hoyland, the British jet skier that went missing off the coast of Bali, two months ago is found safe and sound soon. It just brings home how dangerous our antics could have been. Last Sunday, by the time Reverie turned up to pick me up, we'd already missed the boat. I had just about given up the ghost on going to the beach but Reverie decided otherwise.

Reverie: I was going to go on the Jet Ski by myself but you're coming with me. You know we are going to fall in don't you
Shubby Doo: Yes… crap… Ok, let's go

Luckily, we didn't fall into the water as we rode all the way from the ikoyi to ilashe… from behind I clung on to him... and for most of the time I had my eyes closed... so you see when we finally caught up with the boat that had left 20 minutes before us… I was more than just relieved.

Get yourself laid
I did.

I got thrown this job by some lawyer
The job was simple really… I just had to let her outshine me… as if. IJ is one of those girls I normally stay well clear off… she is the kind that name drops and thinks she is the most attractive girl in the room even with her nasty weave. I met her at a wedding that I went to with Niata. She purposely manoeuvred her bleached... whoops... I meant to say toned body to sit next to the guy I was chatting with and her dumb gob just spoilt the intelligent conversation we were having. 2 hours later at a BBQ, she saw me walking past and stopped me.
IJ: Hmmm… You’re the engineer aren’t you?
Shubby Doo: Yes… & you’re the lawyer

I walked away and when I came back to sit down she had miraculously remembered my name. I saw her smile fade when Reverie came to sit next to me. It completely disappeared when Spartan stopped dead in his tracks as he realised he wasn’t hallucinating, winked at me and then marched straight up to me to say hello.

Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Söze
The attraction Spartan and I still share scares me… our chemistry is still as ‘excited’... our Keyser Söze is still as ‘dangerous’... as it was the 1st day we met… so how exactly we managed to keep politely saying hello to each other without tearing each other's clothes off after a year with no real contact is a mystery. Whatever he is doing… whoever he is with… he stops and drops everything just for me…
Spartan: Are you ok?
Shubby Doo: I'm fine thank you

I know he doesn't get it but it is not for me anymore. How he always found a way to try and talk to me, hold my waist or stroke my arm in the shadows is beyond me… I was mostly indifferent to it... but the fact that it was always done out of sight of his babe did cause me some concern because I've always know him to be truthful. As far as I'm concerned we are just friends now… it’s an ego thing I think… basically, he cannot understand why I walked away from ‘us’ without blinking… but I’m sure he’ll deal with it soon enough.

After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again
If only. I met Ababa at the beach 3 years ago… his conversation skills have not matured in that time. Apparently Jay tells me that Ababa is ever so shy and quite sweet when he is sober but I guess that means I've only met him when he has had something to drink and his manners have gone to pot.
Ababa: I love your eyes
Shubby Doo: Thank you
Ababa: I wonder what they would look like at the moment of penetration
Shubby Doo: You'll never know. At 21, I couldn't tolerate such nonsense let alone at this age. Excuse me

Before I left he asked for my London number. I refused to reply. He went on facebook and wrote nonsense on my wall… my brother ATA says I should just limit profile his ass… I think I might just do that. After that my guess is that he’ll probably not hear from me again.

That's funny. He called me last night
He called and asked me to go outside and look at the moon… I did… and yes everybody has yabbed me already because apparently I should have pretended but then I wouldn't have seen what Ash was talking about... the bright star shouldering its crescent.

I met Ash at a club I went to with Niata. I liked him from the very start. We danced and talked and danced some more. He offered to take me home when Reverie disappeared... chasing women as usual...
Shubby Doo: Where is he? I can't see him... Ok I'm not going to panic for another 10 minutes... darn... I should have gone home with Niata
Ash: No you shouldn't. I'm glad you stayed

Anyway, the word is he carries around a lotta cash
IJ came to my rescue and took Baer away from me… he bored me shitless... and I got so sick and tired from rolling my eyes all night… it was that bad.
Baer: Can you imagine that guy told them to send me the bill for the extra stuff he ordered
Shubby Doo: I don’t understand. Why would he?
Baer: I organised the BBQ and paid for it and he had the audacity to send the bill for the extra stuff he ordered to me
Shubby Doo: Pele… that’s not right
Baer: People always do that to me. They know I have money and I guess that is what happens when you work like me… I mean I could do a 9 to 5 job but then I wouldn't have as much money and…

I don’t remember the rest… I’d switched off

In English, please?
Kujan is hilarious… as soon as he gets into London and sees oyinbo people he’s accent switches…even with Nigerians… he just can’t help blowing his phonetics… He took the seat I’d saved for Reverie at the Christmas table… yet I wasn’t disappointed with his company… we teased each senseless about our accents… I haven’t laughed so much during Christmas dinner like I did with Kujan… I’m hoping to catch up with him in London sometime this month.

A rumor's not a rumor that doesn't die
Tinuke: Aunty Shubby Doo I saw you and Uncle Reverie flirting
Shubby Doo: You?!!!… you have started with that active mind of yours again abi?
Tinuke: You were flirting
Shubby Doo: Maybe the intensity you saw was me having a go at him. He was supposed to take me somewhere and he didn't
Tinuke: Hmmm… maybe... I still think you were flirting!!!

On another occasion when it was time to leave and go home, Niata came back to tell me that I was, in fact, staying.
Niata: Your husband said I cannot take you. He says he'll drop you off.
Shubby Doo: Which husband?
Niata: Reverie
Shubby Doo: Hahaha… he came here cause I told him we were coming… we've not really hung out this last week that we've both been back in Lagos… I'll just double check with him but I'll probably stay. Thanks anyway

You kids ready?
That’s what I think of Jay’s girlfriend… a kid… she is totally insecure about my friendship with him… so much so that she stopped him from coming out with me on New Year's Eve despite the fact she couldn't accomodate him in her plans. I told him it was ok… he was so embarrassed. Apparently he warned her well... he felt that she had insulted me and inadvertently got him to insult our friendship. He called to take me out to Terra Culture 2 days later. We then ended up at Sky Bar (EKO Hotel) for dinner. She called every hour… after the 3rd time she called him back immediately to talk to me… apparently she thought it might have seemed rude that she hadn’t asked to say hello… silly girl... if she thinks I'm going to give up on my trusted confidant she has another thing coming.

Put a leash on that puppy
Before I left Lagos, Jay called me.
Jay: You need to talk to Reverie. I don't know what you two are playing at but you guys have something and you both don't want to deal with it
Shubby Doo: Ok I will
Jay: No you won't
Shubby Doo. You are right I won't
Jay: Shubby Doo
Shubby Doo: Swiftly changing the subject… guess who I spoke to last night?… Ash
Jay: And?
Shubby Doo: He was a bit ratty… his car had broken down... it over heated... and he was complaining because he hadn’t eaten all day except for a chocolate bar… I told him he sounded irritable so I was going to leave him be... to at least get something to eat… plus I had to go because they had just served up my pounded yam
Jay: You are wicked…
Shubby Doo: I know... hahaha... can you imagine that the poor guy couldn't stop himself from asking if it was powdered pounded yam... I gleefully told him it was the real kind… POUNDED YAM!
Jay: Hahaha

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone.
I got to see my Aunty Grace. She is undergoing the treatment she needs… some days are better than others but she is a pillar of strength… she is doing much better than I’d hoped…

For those of you that helped to pray with me when I posted amazing grace... Thank you again for your support and kind words... the devil is a liar... she is well in Jesus' name.

Good Shepherd she is in your hands. Continue to heal her. Please

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yahoozee

Last Christmas, I was rocking in places like Bacchus & 6 degrees North, Volar, No 10, Caliente etc… mainly to the tune of Olu Maintain’s Yahoozee but little did I think that dem yahoozee people wey dey UK fit do me 419 this Christmas!

Today I panicked when I checked my account and saw and an unknown debit… with work paying my December salary in at the end of this week on Friday, and me leaving on the country on Thursday, I started thinking I for just come back from Lagos see say dey don clear my account finish…

I don’t know why God told me to check my account today…at first, I was like why is the ID for that transaction written weirdly as ‘WWW.TOTALLYSHOES.C, O.UK’?… then a small light bulb came on and I was like I don't know them so why have they taken money from my account?… I clicked to investigate further and then I was like hell no…uh uh… I didn’t buy anything last week on the 11th.

So I called the bank and found out that on Thursday, after I had endured my 2nd pointless meeting of the day at work (I guess I should back track and correct that because the 1st meeting was quite necessary and it proved useful)… @ 13:58, my bank card was used to buy something off ‘http://www.totallyshoes.co.uk’... I assumed this to be the real website address sha because the one above didn’t make sense…

Now with only 3 days before I was to leave for naija… I had to cancel my bank card… I checked all the pending transactions on it and confirmed the remaining were mine… they were thank goodness… I confirmed that the bank could report it as fraud to the police… I then started to look for my oga to say I’d be finishing work early today to enable me to get to the bank before it closed to make a bank declaration…

I’d been spitting mad since I looked at my account… I’m normally so cautious… who likes being ‘had’?… not me.… I remember laughing long and hard at an oyinbo guy at work about three years ago who got hustled… for lack of common sense IMO… he and his partner accepted £5000 from a nigerian asking them to transfer about £50,000 into a nigerian's account for the promise of £100,000… na so money just dey rain from the sky?!… I wasn't surprised to hear that in the end they got nothing back in return… the cheque bounced… but after loosing £45,000 the police started investigating them for money laundering activities… me, I don't want wahala so I promptly report all suspect e-mails as phishing scams.

To protect myself from opportunists, I take precautions such as shredding all my card receipts… I never send my banking details in e-mails... I only do internet banking from work because of the nature of the secure work we do… same goes for internet shopping… I've signed up for secure online card verification systems with all but one of my cards and that is only because they are yet to offer it. I rarely do internet shopping with that bank card but I did err two weeks ago and then I ended up cancelling the order because the company was useless…

So upon all my precautions I sat at my desk completely miffed… the recurring question in my head was... of all the cards to all my accounts…why e be de account dat my salary dey enter dem go put hand enter, comot carry go?… I know people can beat the system but I felt so violated… I kept thinking thunda fire their yansh 1 millions times over…

I also felt bloody insulted… I would never shop on that site… not my style… not at all… I get taste better pass dat o but how I fit use dat theory as proof for bank?… I know say I no fit.

Then I started thinking maybe they’d be able to track them down with the delivery address used for the purchase…yes, perhaps… and I hope they lock them up and throw away the key when they find them… I just wanted my money back.

As I got to the end of this post I started thinking of all the things I was yet to get for myself and others for my trip to Lagos… I’d made a list and my eye caught a glimpse of one of the things I had gotten already… yoghurt for the kids… this time a big 1000 watt light bulb came on in my head with a very loud ‘ping’… I remembered an internet transaction I’d made on 11th December @ 13:51 for yoghurt mix… no no no no… but it was with a company called fraser simpson… they sent me an e-mail saying the transaction would show as ‘Totally Commerce Ltd’ not ‘WWW.TOTALLYSHOES.C, O.UK’… WTF?!!!

I’m going to call fraser simpson and check but the amount is the same and the time stamps kinda match so I guess it was probably me afterall… lol…

If it is I’ll call the bank back and explain… to think that all that wahala was for nothing… & I'll still have to wait for a new bank card no matter what, which won't arrive before I leave for Lagos… *shakes head*… I did all that for nothing…

Where is Afrobabe?… Afro… Afro… you sure say no be you wan do me juju like this because I no dey carry you go naija with me for Christmas?!!!

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winter wonderland

On sunday, I woke up shivering from the cold so I got out of bed to turn the central heating on but I found that the breath of winter still lingered outside my window. I looked down below and realised that this time it had brought with it a healthy dusting of icing. Tree branches, previously naked were now covered with a fluffy blanket of snow. The small lanes of the quarry looked like Eskimo way. In that instant my irritation, caused by the incessant shrill of the wind the night before, disappeared. Instead, I stood there marvelling at the transformation; there was certainly nothing bleak about this mid-winter morning because my small world now glistened outside the transparent globe. Then I felt that familiar childhood thrill, whistle through me; to run and play outside, in this bright and beautiful winter wonderland.

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Another reason this post is titled ‘winter wonderland’ is because I’ve been meaning to take part in Geisha's ‘12 days of Christmas’ production.

On Sunday, again, she asked if I was still interested so I downloaded some recording software, off the internet... the free one sha… with track times limited to 1 minute… a fair compromise, I thought... since I didn't want anybody to have to endure my tuneless rendition for any significant length of time... lol... Anyway, I decided to record a song that captured the joviality in my spirit that morning.

So… for the minute few wanting a direct link to my contribution, 5th day of Christmas, click here.

p.s
Remember that ’tis the season of love and goodwill… so please o!... easy on the yabs =)

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